People I Hate #118 (In A Series)

Who: The chick perched on her boyfriend’s shoulders at an outdoor rock concert.

Why: She’s drunk, probably high, and she wants to be the center of attention by straddling her boyfriend’s bony shoulders and screaming at the top of her lungs as if she were leading Pickett’s Charge up Cemetery Ridge. She’s blocking the view of everyone behind her and not because hers is necessarily better on top of ole dopey. She’s just so self-centered and shallow that she thinks it’s all about her and by playing piggyback in a throng of thousands she feels she’s adding to the festival atmosphere rather than detracting from it like a dead daddy’s love child at a family reunion. But, hey, just chalk it up to another one of her marvelous life choices – like hooking up with the high school dropout X Games wannabe beneath her rockin’ booty who’s hootin’ and hollerin’ right along with “his old lady” – or like flashing her boobs in hopes she’ll get a backstage invite.

How I justify it: She’s sad. She’s pathetic. She’s a ridiculous gyrating hippie throwback who makes me want to puke. Plus, she’s my mom.

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