Diary of a Poké-Maniac

Since Pokémon Go is sweeping the nation at a rate which can only be described as ridiculously scary, I thought I’d look back to a simpler time when my own personal infatuation with this cartoon-slash-toy-slash-trading-card-game was amped up to 11.

Witness, if you dare, my diary from November 12, 1999…

6:15am-Woke up early to head over to the Burger King across the street and grab a breakfast sandwich and a Pokémon toy. Picked up #76 (the Golem rev top) and circled around to get another one to resell later. I tried to go through a third time but they caught on and told me that I had reached my daily allowance of Poké-toys.
7:45am-Called in sick to work so that I could attend the first showing of the Pokémon
movie. Sleep for an hour.
9:30am-Sorted through my trading cards, picking out all the Magic: The Gathering ones. Thought I’d see if CardMania would buy them from me so that I could use the money to buy more Pokémon. (Should get a good trade-in value for them since I never played the game; just stuck them in plastic sleeves.)
10am-Dropped by CardMania but they weren’t open yet. I’m sorry to rant, but if the sign says “Open at 10” then, I’m sorry, you should open at 10am! Not 10:10, not 10:15: 10 o’clock!!! This may be a hobby to them but some of us have lives, thank you very much!
10:05am-Traded my Magic cards for two Basic edition booster packs (still no Charizard, dammit!) and a Psyduck beanie. I know the Magic cards were worth more, but who cares? I mean, those cards were just taking up space in my display notebooks.
10:30am-Went by the Burger King near the Wall-Mart this time. Managed to get through the drive-thru four times! I think they knew I was coming back more than once because the girl at the window looked at me funny, so I thought I’d cut my losses.
11:15am-Went by the Burger King over on Trenton. No new toys, blast it all!
11:40am-Stopped by McDonald’s for lunch.
Noon-Drove to the Plaza SuperPlex and bought a ticket for the 12:45 showing of “Pokémon: The First Movie.” They were giving away limited edition trading cards with each ticket purchase, so I got five more tickets (at children’s prices!) and managed to get three of the four cards. Thought I’d pick up four more tickets on my way out, so as not to arouse suspicion.
12:30-Yes, this is it! I am the first person in the theater!!!! I rule!!!
12:45-The place is about half full. I’m the only adult here without a kid. Man, the place looks like Chuck E. Cheese on Daycare world! Why do people think this is a KID’S movie? Anime is a serious art form in Japan! I’m serious, if these brats don’t shut up when the movie starts, I’m gonna get the manager. (Well, I would if I didn’t have to leave the theater and miss part of the movie!)
12:57-This sucks! Already, I’ve had to sit through four film promos (who cares if Tigger has a damn movie coming out?!), three ads and an anti-smoking PSA (like these philistines care!). Will they START the film already?!?!?!
12:59-Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!!!! It’s starting!!!! I imagine this is what Oppenheimer felt like when he oversaw the Manhattan Project.
2:30-Wow. I can’t believe how GREAT that was! I pretend to go to the bathroom and hide in the far stall so that I can sneak into the next showing.
4:45-I stop by the mall where I pick up another trading card at the WB store (it’s a cross-promotion with the film). I also pick up a vibrating stuffed Pikachu. Spencers has some Squirtle boxer shorts; I buy two pairs.
5:30-The food court has a Burger King! Hot damn!
6pm-Leave the mall and go to Best Buys where I get the soundtrack to the movie. Totally jazzed to find that it has a song by Christina Aguilera on it! I imagine her dressed up as Nurse Joy. Whoa.
6:30-The day shift at the Burger King has gone home, so I head back to the one across the street and pick up some more toys.
7:15-Back home, I check the VCR to see if it recorded today’s episode. It did, but I forgot to set the machine to record in SP, so I’ll have to get it another time. (And it was the episode where Jigglypuff first appears too! Grrr.)
8:00-I surf the web for any new Pokémon
action. I happen upon a home page devoted to fan fiction. It’s kind of on the racy side and I find a story that has Misty gettin’ nasty with a Marowak. It’s crap like this that ruins the WWW for the rest of us. It takes me five minutes to download the file.
9:45-I find a chat room where people are talking about the film. Pretty cool. I enter and chat for two hours. Jenny136 says that she thinks Ponyta is the best and everyone else flames her until she leaves. ha ha. Ponyta. How stupid is that?
1am-Set the VCR and go to bed. Imagine myself in the Pokémon
league in hopes that I dream about it. Then I think about Christina Aguilera as Nurse Joy. I drift off into a restful, sound sleep. Ah, pleasant dreams. [Entry ends.]

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