Insulting? Depends

Can anyone explain why my supermarket keeps giving me coupons for adult diapers and incontinence aids? I DON’T NEED THEM!!! Generally speaking, the register spits out coupons for things I buy or related items. I buy cat food and I might get a fifty cents off coupon for cat treats or one good for a few bucks off some cat litter. But this? Nothing I purchase should have ever given anyone the idea I can’t hold my water. But still. Almost every single time. Coupons for incontinence pads and liners. Dammit.

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Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not making fun of folks with incontinence. That’s a serious problems that affects millions of people of all ages and if you need discreet protection then I’m happy that someone’s making the type of product that eases your woes. But me – I don’t need it. And I’m perplexed as to why these guys think I do. Is someone spreading rumors about me? Someone going around saying, “Psssst! Sparky pisses his pants!” Damn and blast, it’s like high school all over again! (Seriously, you lose control once in gym and you’re branded.)

Regardless of how it’s happening, it happens time and time again, so I’m resigned to my fate and whatever rumors get spread and whatever mistaken notions the guy at the register has about me. However that doesn’t mean I can’t take that sour citrus and make some sticky sweet liquid gold (Beyoncé taught me that). That means these coupons I keep getting are for now sale. You wanna save big bucks on these super absorb bad boys? Give me a quarter and I give you a $2 off coupon – you still save a dollar seventy-five but I get a little something for the humiliation. It’s a win-win of the highest order!

Hey, I sell a few hundred of these a year (trust me, they dish out that many) and that’s a couple of grande iced coffees at Starbucks. Of course, I can’t drink too many or I have to go to the bathroom. Hmmmm… if only there were a discreet way of compensating for that.

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