I was lingering around the dairy aisle in some supermarket a while back. It’s not something I’m wont to do but I was bored and had some time to kill.
Anyway, I started looking at the ice cream, noting the various brands and flavors and such. Ben & Jerry’s, Healthy Choice, Sealtest. And then I saw an off-brand of frozen confection that looked somewhat interesting. I dunno, the packaging just seemed unique. My eyes landed on one container in particular. It was made by Valley Rich or some such off brand (and I mean “off” brand in the same sense a Peoria stage production is “off” Broadway). I read it once. Twice. Three times. I couldn’t believe that I was reading it right. It just seemed so odd and out of place.
Superman flavored ice cream.
Not Superman Brand. Not Superman-Inspired. No, Superman FLAVORED. It supposedly had a mixture of banana, strawberry and something called Blue Moon, if I recall correctly. (Blue Moon?! What the hell?) But, there it was, right there on the label. Superman flavored.
What’s the deal with that? Did I miss a memo? Did somewhere along the line we, as an ice cream-consuming society, decide to name this triad of tastes after the Man of Steel, kind of like that bland Strawberry-Chocolate-Vanilla concoction that some dyslexic named after a former Emperor of France? If so, then who decided that the Metropolis Marvel would taste like this? Has anyone, aside from Lois Lane or maybe Krypto the Superdog (or perhaps Aquaman in some weird, drunken JLA truth or dare), actually licked the Last Son of Krypton? Wouldn’t one of the world’s preeminent super-heroes taste of something more dynamic, more daring, like Chunky Monkey or something? Does DC Comics know about this? Does Nietzsche?
Superman-flavored ice cream.
That’s just wrong.