When I was seven, I got invited to my cousin’s birthday party. Since his parents couldn’t afford a clown or magician or actual entertainment, my uncle put on a puppet show complete with home-made marionettes. Unfortunately, he had made the damn things out of old G.I. Joes and Barbies and he got the strings crossed and Ski Patrol Joe ended up doing something rather obscene to Skipper.
I can’t say for sure that’s why my relationships are all screwed up, but it can’t have helped.