Archive for March, 2016

March 30 Trivia Rankings

March 30, 2016

Thanks to all the Quizlings who came to play. Only one team can win – but you’re all winners to me! Unfortunately, I cannot give everyone a $50 Tomato Jake’s card, so the “winner by high score” structure remains in effect for the foreseeable future.

If you missed the fun, we said goodbye to Garry Shandling, looked forward to Halley’s Comet, journeyed the Appalachian Trail and trekked through the solar system.

Meanwhile, sing along with Spike Lee, Charles Barkley and Samuel L. Jackson on the road to the Final Four.

Now, here are the rankings for the week…

Egypt Air Portrait Studio 69
Can We Punish Trump’s Mom For Not Having An Abortion? 67
All Trumped Out 64
Sign Language Is Pretty Handy 64
Capitalist Propoganda 61
Stale Peeps 60
Dog Days Of Spring 59
I Tawt I Taw A Democrat 59
Generic Team Name 59
Bring Back The Brownie 59
The House’s Discretion 56
Which Bathroom Do I Use? 55
I Hope UNC Loses 54
LionMonkeyBaby 54
Keaux Keaux 48
A Row Of Mailboxes On Willow Street 46
Trump Likes Hoobastank 46
The No Names 44
Nothing Clever 42
Recruiting Fellow Teammates 41
Stay Away From Heidi 40
Relax, Trump – We’re Legal 39
Just The Two Of Us 39

Next, Please

March 28, 2016

Why are we still talking about it? Who the hell cares? I was bored with them before they started sucking up all that unnecessary media time.

Basically, here’s ten people, places & things I’m completely sick of…


Sad Papaw

American Idol Finale (quit the nostalgic promotion, Fox, and put a stake in it already!)

Oculus Rift

Budget Shave Clubs

Planet Nine

Bearded Letterman Backlash (leave the man alone. he’s retired – and apparently channeling Snuffy Smith)

McDonald’s All-Day Breakfast

Delegate counts

What that movie or TV show cast looks like now (it’s the worst type of clikcbait and I’m not falling for it again … today!)

Yes, please, I’ve had up to here with the whole lot of you.  Please deposit your 15 minutes at the same door you should not let you hit you on the ass as you leave through it.

FIVE RANDOM FIVE (Batman v. Superman Edition)

March 25, 2016

Five Things Superman and Batman Fight Over

Which is cooler – the Batcave or the Fortess of Solitude

Who has the more tragic backstory

What toppings to get on a pizza

Who left the toilet seat up

Whether to raise Robin Jewish or Lutheran


Five Surprising Things In Batman’s Utility Belt

Universal Remote

Axe Body Spray

Hello Kitty Band-Aids

Pickle Relish

A naked picture of Aunt Harriet


Five Lame Superman Superpowers

Super-Green Thumb (his garden is awesome!)

Super-Karaoke (his air guitar is pretty great, too)

Super-Lint Roller (can attract all the fluff and cat hair in a room)

Super-Seasoning (knows just what herbs & spices to add to any dish)

Super-Regularity (poops everyday at 7:43am, like clockwork)


Five Milestone Comic Book Issues

Detective Comics #27 – First appearance of Batman

Superman #10 – Fifth appearance Lex Luthor (first bald Luthor)

Batman #600 – Donald Trump buys Wayne Manor

Superman Family #185 – Perry White’s prostate cancer scare

World’s Finest #259 – Bruce Wayne and Clark Kent attend a key party


Five Justice League Hazing Initiations

Taking Aquaman “midnight swimming”

Streaking through the Legion of Doom HQ

Drinking a fifth of vodka and reciting the Green Lantern oath

Pantsing Alfred

Burying the Wonder Twins in a shallow grave in the desert


3/23 Trivia Rankings

March 23, 2016

Another fantastic night for trivia, Quizlings. Thank you for joining us.

If you missed it (shame on you), you can catch up by reading some Calvin & Hobbes, following The Pope on Instragram,  enjoying some Ben & Jerry’s and seeing what so-called “stars” are dancing this season.

Meanwhile, let’s watch Pepe the King Prawn from The Muppets flirt with Good Morning America‘s Lara Spencer…

Now, here are the trivia rankings for this week. See how your team fared.

First Sign Of Apocalypse – Bush Endorses Cruz 67
Obama Libre 67
Seriously? 67
Punkier Bewster 66
Sparky/Glen 2016 63
Team Windows 98 – We’re Always Crashing At Your Mom’s House 62
Bye Bye, Braces 62
We’re Falafel 59
Bill Chose Other Women Over Hillary. You Should Too 59
Jesus Was Probably The First Scarecrow 57
Team Name Worthy Of A Brownie 57
The Red Hot Trivia Peppers 54
Your Candy Or Your Life 51
Boaty McBoatface 50
Slytherin 48
The World Needs A 🙂 48
The Ellen Degenerates 46
Did We Need To Study For This? 42
Our Casey Is Always Late 42
Chillin’ With My Peeps 40
Mildly Severe 37
Jakes? Why Did It Have To Be Jakes? 36

Strings Attached

March 22, 2016

When I was seven, I got invited to my cousin’s birthday party. Since his parents couldn’t afford a clown or magician or actual entertainment, my uncle put on a puppet show complete with home-made marionettes. Unfortunately, he had made the damn things out of old G.I. Joes and Barbies and he got the strings crossed and Ski Patrol Joe ended up doing something rather obscene to Skipper.

I can’t say for sure that’s why my relationships are all screwed up, but it can’t have helped.

Chocolate Reign

March 18, 2016

I always find it amusing when people try to explain how Easter treats get made. As if an anthropomorphic bunny delivering candy and hiding poultry ova needed something sensible to bolster its logic.

That’s why this ad for a British supermarket chain caught my eye. It features a gigantic chocolate hen coerced (enslaved?) into perching atop the store to lay chocolate eggs for the eager shoppers below. Personally, I can’t help but find this creature so frighteningly unholy that the last thing I’d want to do would be forge any sort of alliance with it. I mean, the moment she realizes you are eating her offspring as candy, Chicken Kong will wreak havoc in the streets, trampling and pecking to death anyone with even the slightest trace of chocolate on their breath. I guess the only upside is that the merest warm, sunny day will turn this monster into nothing more than a chocolate sludge … but this is England so, really, what are the chances of a sunny day?

March 16 Trivia Rankings

March 17, 2016

Thanks to all the Quizlings who came out to play Wednesday night. The weather was great, the crowd was great and the trivia – well, I’m biased.

Check out Louis Anderson as the mom in Baskets…

But before we move on to the rankings, I’d like to thank my hand model, Jack, for his assistance. I think this is how it feels to be a Big Brother.

Now, here are this week’s rankings. See how your team stacked up.

Raiders Of The Lost AARP 68
Make A Merrick Great Again 66
Call Us Right Said Fred ‘Cuz We’re A One Hit Wonder 65
Beware The Ides Of Trump 64
Josh Ran A Marathon! 64  (tie)
Magically Delicious 64  (tie)
I Already Miss Political Commercials 64
Brokered Team Name Convention 62
The 16 Seed 62
We’re Here For The Pizza 60
The Only Bern I Fell Is A UTI 59
Patty For Prez 59
March Sadness: Bracket Of One 58
Full Metal Bracket 57
Irish This Election Was Over 56
Yeah, Well … We Told A Flint Michigan Joke And It Went Over Like A Lead Balloon 56
Sentenced To 15 Years Of Trivia 51
Trivia Madness 50
It’s No Sham That We Rock! 46
Dirty Randy and the Boys 37
Bad Brains 34


March 15, 2016

It’s March 15th and you know what that means – The Ides Of March! Boy howdy! But around here we don’t read no Shakespeare, no way (we do that all the other days of the year).

Nope. On the March 15 here at The Flehmen Response we JAM to that one-hit wonder The Ides of March and their Top Ten hit Vehicle!

Suggestive lyrics! A 70s vibe that won’t quit! Damn! Don’t need no soothsayer to tell me it rocks!


March 14, 2016

Five Band Names That Could Be Diseases



Wet Willie

Prefab Sprout 

Wang Chung


Five Historical Superfreaks

Catherine the Great

Dolley Madison

Anna Freud




Five Relationship Dealbreakers

He owns a ferret

She plays the kazoo constantly

He keeps erotic picture of his mom in his wallet

She dresses like Vicki, the robot girl from “Small Wonder”

He/she keeps his/her ex chained up in the basement 


Five Lies On My Resumé 

Debate Club President, High School

Intern, Universal Studios, Florida

Original Ramses the Ram, UNC Mascot

Stand-In for John C. Reilly, Stepbrothers

Inventor of Pop Rocks


Five “Scooby Doo” Secret Character Fears

Fear that the Mystery Machine will get carjacked (Velma)

Fear that Velma will hit on her (Daphne)

Fear that Shaggy will run out of snacks & eat them (Scooby & Scrappy)

Fear that he will be portrayed by Freddie Prinze, Jr. (Fred)

Fear that no one else can hear Scooby talk but him (Shaggy)

Anime (1997-2016)

March 11, 2016


I said goodbye to my lovely little Anime today. The bob-tailed beauty was 18 and had been a part of my life since she was about a year old. Friends aside, that is the longest relationship of my adult life.

Anime first came to my home when I was looking for a companion for my late Benjamin. He’d been an only cat for six years and I wasn’t sure how he’d take to another feline in his territory. I chose Anime because she seemed sweet, affectionate and eager for companionship – and I hoped, being half his size at around 7 pounds, she wouldn’t seem too much of a threat to Ben. That was an excellent choice because Anime and Ben became fast friends and could often be seen lying in the sun, grooming one another or chasing each other around the house (each in turn as the chaser/chasee).

For about a year now, Anime had been living on some sort of borrowed time. She stopped eating her regular food last spring and soon stopped eating much of anything. I tried nearly every food, dry and wet, I could buy or borrow but about the only thing she seemed to enjoy was cat treats and, being a finicky feline, the treat she desired seemed to change on a daily basis. That kept me on my toes, but by providing her with a feline smorgasbord to tempt her tummy I managed to get her to put on a few more ounces and stay with me until now when cancer crept in to take whatever vitality and dignity she had left.

My veterinarian would joke that for the last year Anime was kept alive by air and love. I can only attest to the last ingredient.

In honor of Anime, I am making a donation to SAFE Haven For Cats, the no-kill shelter where I first met her. I encourage anyone who has ever known, loved or cared for a furry companion to do the same.


A young Anime, shortly after I adopted her