FIVE RANDOM FIVE (Star Wars Edition)

Five Star Wars Desserts

Gran Muffin Tarkin

Attack of the Scones

Obi Flan Kenobi

Salacious B. Crumbcake

The Empire Strikes Baklava


Five Chewbacca Complaints

WTH? Han and Luke get medals but not me.

Stormtroopers cheat at cards

Life Day still not a recognized Galactic holiday

Horny Ewoks

When he passes out after a night of drinking in the cantina, Han shaves him down like a Kowakian monkey-lizard.


Five Rejected Ad Slogans For “The Force Awakens”

Sith Happens

We didn’t even let George Lucas on the set

I did it all for the Wookiee

See or See Not – There Is No Try

It’ll Make You Forget The Last Three – Promise!


Five Things Darth Vader Would Never Say

Oooooo! What a pwecious widdle kitty!

Stop making fun of my sleep apnea!

One senior citizen for “Sisters.”

I wear black because it’s slimming.

My kids kissed? Actually, that’s kinda hot.


Five Signs You Are NOT A Jedi

You weren’t born a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.

Every time you try to pull the ol’ Jedi Mind Trick, you pee your pants.

The closest you ever got to a lightsaber fight was that time at camp in the boys’ showers.

You think you felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced … but it was just brain freeze from that ICEE.

Your name is Jar Jar Binks.


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