It is with sad regret that I must report on the passing of a beloved holiday icon.
Dr. Seuss’ Grinch, the one-time Christmas stealer, was found dead in his mountain home near Whoville early Saturday. The coroner’s report attributed his death to an enlarged heart.
Whoville M.E., Quincy Q. Who, noted that some physiological change had apparently occurred within the last twenty-four hours causing the Grinch’s heart to grow as much as three times its normal size. “Normally, a Grinch’s heart is a very small muscle; one could say an empty hole. Their cardiovascular systems are not very well developed.”
The catalyst that supposedly caused this heart malfunction remains unknown, although sources report that, sometime before his death, the Grinch consumed a large quantity of Whovian Roast Beast, causing his cholesterol levels to rise to an enormous rate.
The Grinch is survived by his dog and Cindy Loo, his common law wife.