Archive for December, 2015

December 30 Trivia Rankings

December 31, 2015

A fine way to cap off the year, eh, Quizlings? Especially if you are a Star Wars fan. But don’t worry – there’s so much more trivia in 2016 and that’s just a week away!

Meanwhile, you can read up on the Peanuts character Franklin here or just watch the first appearance of Bobba Fett below.

And here are the full rankings for this week, from top to bottom…

I Have A Bad Feeling About This 69
Is It Winter Yet? 63
There Goes Cosby – Always Mugging For The Camera 63
The Canadian Borg Resistance Would Be Impolite 62
The Meadowlark Lemon Of Trivia 61
Wookieepedia Brown 61
El Nino, I Am Your Father 58
2015 Resolution Fulfilled 57
Stats So Raven 50
Bacon! Bacon! Bacon! 46
Chip-Off The Ol’ Rock-y 45
Greater Than Velcro 45
We’re Sitting Outside; Please Give Us Candy 45
The Crash Test Dummies 40
The Prescribers Of Pain 37
Affluenza Kids 36
Better Late Than Never 36

People I Hate #714 (In A Series)

December 29, 2015

Who: The guy who jogs in the street when there’s a sidewalk.

Why: He’s out for a run – probably shirtless and wearing a Fitbit, so I already dislike the guy – but he’s not running on the sidewalk. Why not? The sidewalk is right there. He can’t miss it, can he? I mean, it runs parallel to the bloody street! But no, he eschews the sidewalk for its unevenness, its texture, its elevation, who the hell knows? All I can see is he’s running in the damn street when there’s a perfectly good sidewalk ten feet away.

How I justify it: He’s a douchebag nuisance who believes his desire for fitness supersedes traffic and pedestrian safety. Moreover, he deserves to have the imprint of my Camry’s front grill tattooed on his ass.

TCM Remembers 2015

December 27, 2015

A little misty now? Sure. I’m cynical but I’m not made of stone.

What The Elf?

December 25, 2015

Uh … Happy Holidays? No. Disturbing Holidays. Geez, I watched it once and now I can’t sleep else I dream of these Moreauvian monstrosites. With their human hands and their Wegmanesque demeanors. Freaky, man, just too freaky.

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

December 25, 2015

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus. Just a cute kiddie song? Hardly. The little brat singing the ditty is all a-titter that his mom’s liplocking old St. Nick – y’know, just pasting a big one on the Jolly Old Elf – snogging Father Christmas right good. The kid has no earthly idea that it’s his own dad, right? In fact, the little dipwad opines, “What a laugh it would have been if Daddy had only seen Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night?” Ya think, doofus? Oh yeah, I’m sure Pops would have been pleased as punch to catch his wife making out with another guy, Spirit of Christmas or not. Let’s face it – if the kid is correct in any sense and it’s not his old man in a fake beard playing tonsil hockey that means “Mommy” is, at best, a flirt and a cheat or, at worst, whoring herself out to get the kid his Christmas presents.

Face it. Your entire childhood is one seriously screwed up pastiche of Freudian mishigas.

December 23 Trivia Rankings

December 24, 2015

Thanks to all the Quizlings who came out to play in a pre-Yule/Festivus quiztravaganza. I hope you had fun and I hope your holiday is most excellent. We’ll do it again next week and into 2016. Don’t miss a moment!

What happened? Well, we got the scoop on some bad dads, listened to Sparky butcher several foreign languages and marveled at a serendipitous Roald Dahl coincidence.

Also, we remembered this freakazoid…

Now, here are the team rankings. See how you stack up against the competition.

I Made A Mistake. The Real Winning Team Is …. 67
The Miss Colombia Of Trivia 64
Go Home, Mother Nature, You’re Drunk 62
Over The River And Through The Woods To Tomato Jake’s We Go 60
The Filthy Casuals 57
We Strive To Be Above The Median 57
We’ll Win When Pigs Fly On I-40 54
Make Checks Payable To The Human Fund 54
Hark! The Hare-Lip Angels Sing 53
7 Not-So-Smart Christmas Cookies 51
Donald Trump PR Strategy Committee 50
Candy, Candy Cane, Candy Corn And Syrup 50
H & K 35

FIVE RANDOM FIVE (Star Wars Edition)

December 22, 2015

Five Star Wars Desserts

Gran Muffin Tarkin

Attack of the Scones

Obi Flan Kenobi

Salacious B. Crumbcake

The Empire Strikes Baklava

 

Five Chewbacca Complaints

WTH? Han and Luke get medals but not me.

Stormtroopers cheat at cards

Life Day still not a recognized Galactic holiday

Horny Ewoks

When he passes out after a night of drinking in the cantina, Han shaves him down like a Kowakian monkey-lizard.

 

Five Rejected Ad Slogans For “The Force Awakens”

Sith Happens

We didn’t even let George Lucas on the set

I did it all for the Wookiee

See or See Not – There Is No Try

It’ll Make You Forget The Last Three – Promise!

 

Five Things Darth Vader Would Never Say

Oooooo! What a pwecious widdle kitty!

Stop making fun of my sleep apnea!

One senior citizen for “Sisters.”

I wear black because it’s slimming.

My kids kissed? Actually, that’s kinda hot.

 

Five Signs You Are NOT A Jedi

You weren’t born a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.

Every time you try to pull the ol’ Jedi Mind Trick, you pee your pants.

The closest you ever got to a lightsaber fight was that time at camp in the boys’ showers.

You think you felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced … but it was just brain freeze from that ICEE.

Your name is Jar Jar Binks.

CSI: Crime Seuss Investigation

December 20, 2015

It is with sad regret that I must report on the passing of a beloved holiday icon.

Dr. Seuss’ Grinch, the one-time Christmas stealer, was found dead in his mountain home near Whoville early Saturday. The coroner’s report attributed his death to an enlarged heart.

Whoville M.E., Quincy Q. Who, noted that some physiological change had apparently occurred within the last twenty-four hours causing the Grinch’s heart to grow as much as three times its normal size. “Normally, a Grinch’s heart is a very small muscle; one could say an empty hole. Their cardiovascular systems are not very well developed.”

The catalyst that supposedly caused this heart malfunction remains unknown, although sources report that, sometime before his death, the Grinch consumed a large quantity of Whovian Roast Beast, causing his cholesterol levels to rise to an enormous rate.

The Grinch is survived by his dog and Cindy Loo, his common law wife.

Bleats By Dre?

December 18, 2015

Want the perfect gift for your Secret Santa? How about an album of Christmas music by goats? Yep, goats – the Satan’s minion of the barnyard, the Internet phenom with a brain-piercing cry, the feta factory of funk. See for yourself …

December 16 Trivia Rankings

December 17, 2015

Some yuletide fun, some Star Wars names and even some Golden Globes. That was Wednesday night trivia this week. Hope you were there. If not, hope you can join us next week or the week after. Yep, trivia is on through the hols and into 2016. We’ll even give away a Massage Envy gift card to one lucky Quizling!

Meanwhile …

Here are the full rankings for all the teams. See you next week!

You Will Cry When Han & Chewie Die 64
After The Force Awakens, Will It Go Back To Sleep? 62
Laugh It Up, Fuzzball 60
Happy Christmahanukwanzaaakah 59
Cats Rule 57
Spoiler Alert: Jar Jar Is Back! 53
Han Yolo 53
There’s Always Money In The Banana Stand 51
Festivus For The Rest Of Us 51
I Can’t Put My Arms Down 51
I Hope Our Trivia Force Awakens Tonight 50
The Odds Of Us Winning This Are 3720 to 1 50
Merry Quizmas 49
Inglorious Blasters 48
This Team Outscored Kobe 47
Star Wars Spolier: Dragon Kills Gandalf 44
Daddy’s On Duty 42