FIVE RANDOM FIVE (Halloween Edition)

Five Costume Mashups

Colonel Bernie Sanders

Ant-Mannix

Elton Jon Snow

Paula Deen Martin

Free Willy Nelson

Five Candies From Hell

Possessed Sour Patch Kids

Fingerbutter

Eminems

Reese’s Feces

Circus Peanuts

Five Halloween Douchebags

People who give out toothbrushes instead of candy

Idiots who decry holiday as evil or demonic

Mean-spirited vandals

Yokels who turn yard displays into thinly veiled racist slurs or political statements

Teenagers who are too old to trick or treat but still do

Five Great Pumpkin Fears

Kids will stop believing in him

Someone will kill him and make the world’s largest pumpkin pie

The Easter Bunny will have more Twitter followers

Dying alone and unloved

Linus will break his restraining order

Five Things Kids Don’t Want To Hear When Trick or Treating

“We’re out of candy.”

“Another Elsa. How @#%&ing original, brat.”

“Instead of candy, I’m giving out hugs!”

“You can’t come in without a warrant.”

“Why, yes, I am Jared Fogle.”

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