Can dairy products ever honestly be an adequate eighteenth birthday gift? No, I didn’t think so. Thus it behooved me to say to my Aunt Dana on that momentous occasion, “Take back your friggin’ cheese-of-the-month subscription, women, and get me a hooker!” Not proud of that but, seriously, what was she thinking?!
Archive for June, 2015
I was driving along the interstate earlier this evening and I saw a car with the following on the bumper: NEVER TRUST A NURSE. Seriously. “Never Trust A Nurse.” Not the catchiest of slogans, if I may say so. And as far as bias goes I’ve never quite associated nurses with deserving the same hatred as, say, lawyers or reality TV stars. Certainly not as stereotypical as a bias against a country of origin or religion or a political party. But there it was, for the world to see – an anti-nurse pronouncement on the back of his ride, perfectly at home with the Visualize World Peace sticker or the American flag decal (had there been either).
I guess it’s interesting to note that it wasn’t a bumper sticker. No. This dude had apparently written Never Trust A Nurse in sharpie or something on the back of his bumper (think it’s safe to say he couldn’t find a sticker with that sentiment for sale at Stuckey’s) because he felt so strongly about it. My instinct says it’s not a carte blanche distrust of the profession but personal, per se. If I had to lay odds I’d say it probably involves a bumbling, brusque removal of a catheter.
Yes, Quizlings, you heard right – ICE CREAM NEXT WEEK! Huzzah!
Also, tables reserved for the three winning teams. A new era or triviawesome, you say? Nope – just business as usual… kickin’ trivia butt and chewin’ trivia gum. And we’re aaaaalllllll outta gum.
Now, here’s are the rankings (ties factored in) for this week’s fun:
|The Jordan Spieth Of Trivia||64|
|This Is The Funny Team Name You’re Looking For||62|
|Magic Mike Or Trivia – What Would Sparky Do?||61|
|We’re Running Really Late||61|
|God Hates Flags||58|
|Political Capture The Flag||57|
|Come For The AC – Stay For The Trivia||56|
|Kings of Fourth||56|
|Last Week We Cheated On Sparky||54|
|Atlanta May Have Trivia But It Doesn’t Have Tomato Jake’s||50|
|Deep Fried Rat On The Menu, Please||53|
|Trivia Newton John||51|
|Even Pete Rose Wouldn’t Bet On Us||49|
|Don’t Ask Us||48|
|Me Meat Is From The 70s||42|
|These Light Fixtures Are Straining My Eyes||42|
I just heard that Phil Austin of the Firesign Theatre passed way on June 19 at the age of 74. While it’s true he was definitely not a household name (and it’s doubtful most people could even pick any of the Firesigners out of a line up), I have always been entertained by the group’s comedy, having first heard some of their sketches when I was in junior high. If you’re not familiar with Austin or the work of Firesign Theatre, then treat yourself to the piece that introduced me to their delightful antics – The Further Adventures of Nick Danger, Third Eye.
Five People I Wished Were My Dad When I Was A Kid
Steve Douglas (Fred MacMurray on My Three Sons)
Paul Lynde (yeah, I know – but at the time …)
Five Things My Father Never Taught Me
How to ride a bike
How to fish
How to manage my finances
The birds and the bees
How to find him when he went away
Five Dad Cliches
I don’t pay to heat the whole neighborhood.
Because I say so!
Go ask your mother.
I brought you into this world – I can take you out!
Let’s not tell your mom about this, okay?
Five of My Favorite Fathers
Father Guido Sarducci
Five Fictional Characters with Severe Daddy Issues
The singer of Papa Was A Rollin’ Stone
The Huxtable Kids (totally in retrospect, of course)
My dad refused to celebrate Father’s Day. Once I made the mistake of buying him a tie and presenting it to him after dinner. He wasn’t the least bit grateful. In fact, he threw the tie in the garbage disposal and locked me in an old freezer we had out in the garage. To this day, I can’t tie a Windsor knot without balling up into the fetal position and crying.
Well, we beat the weather, Quizlings. And once again, a great trivia night at Tomato Jake’s was had by all (well, maybe not a certain team whose winning streak had a fork stuck in it by some up and comers – ah, but they love me; they’ll be back.)
Here are this week’s rankings (with ties factored in). Am I the only one that finds the fact the two teams that made fun of Trump in their names placed first and second? Hmmmmm…
|Trump And Toupee in 2016||67|
|Don’t Laugh. Donald Trump Identifies As An Actual Presidential Candidate||65|
|Don’t Be Fooled By Genes That I Got I’m Still Rachel From The Block||64|
|Making Mothman Happen||64|
|Jurassic World Of Trivia||62|
|XIV Till MMXXL||59|
|Shark Week Came Early This Year||59|
|E = MC Hammer||58|
|There Is Still Time To Change Our Team Name||57|
|Kyle Was Supposed To Think Of Our Name But He’s Not Here||55|
|Unicorns On A Roll||54|
|White Is The New Black||53|
|Lebron Missed – Love N’ Kyrie||52|
|Win Or Lose, We Still Booze||45|
|We Have To Break Up Because He Doesn’t Like Mozzarella Sticks||42|
I was going through some old boxes in the spare room when I found an old card that someone sent to me when I was a kid. There’s this cartoonish tiger on the front and inside there’s the following: “Here’s hoping your tonsilectomy went gr-r-r-r-r-eat!”
There is no name on the card. I’ve no idea who sent it. And I never had my tonsils taken out.
Kind of eerie, really.
It’s happened again.
Every summer there’s at least one story about some kid somewhere in these United States of America who sets up a lemonade stand and runs afoul of “the man.” You know, some bureaucrat who wants to rain on some poor snowflake’s free trade parade by citing laws and ordinances and zoning and sanitation and crap. Bad, bad Big Brother and its rush to squash the hopes of some moppet with grand plans and a pitcher of sour, lemony goodness in a front yard or at the end of a cul-de-sac. Let wee Susie sell her delicious refreshment, the public cries! Leave little Larry alone and allow him to learn the free enterprise system in a wholesome and innocent way!
Of course it’s all utter shite. (more…)
Fun night, Quizlings. Lots of good folks came out to play, although some regulars were very much missed (come back, please – I have abandonment issues!)
I think advantage tonight went to the folks who read the funny pages and who watch a lot of sci fi TV. And I oughta know – I can smell my own.
Now, see how your team measured up…
|Trivia’s American Pharaoh||67|
|Don’t Bring A Gun To A Water Fight||60|
|Doom vs. Duke Nukem||58||(tie winner)|
|That Doesn’t Sound Like Hands||58|
|Gladys Hearts Glen||55|
|The Legend Of Zelda’s Mom||53|
|We Got Dat Cookie Money||50|
|Touched By A Duggar||49||(tie winner)|
|Our Trivia Guru’s In Kansas – Good Luck To Us||49|
|[Dinosaur Sticker]||40||(tie winner)|
|O’ Lawd, Mama Knows||38|
|Wednesday Night Turnip||36|