Five Douche-tastic Animals


Galápagos tortoise

Grolar bear

Lobster from the Jersey Shore

A dog that does crossfit


Five Candy Musicals

Hershey Kiss Me Kate

5th Avenue Q

The Goodbar Girl

Bring in ‘da Noise, Bring in ‘da Chunky

The Drowsy Toblerone


Five Muppet Tax Deductions

Felt repair and maintenance

Ping pong balls (under vision care)

Dry cleaning


Chicken lube (Gonzo only)


Five Frozen Yogurt Toppings In Hell

Razor blades

Molten lava

Your nuts

The tears of the damned

None. There’s no frozen yogurt. It’s hell, dude.


Five Reasons To Hate Your Cable Company

Your monthly bill costs more than your car payment.

Installation tech does doughnuts on your lawn.

Your wife moans “Comcast” in her sleep.

Their on hold music is Nickelback.

Your name is Brad and the newest channel on their lineup is the Brad Sucks Channel.



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