Five Hipster Books
To Kale a Mockingbird
From Here to Urban Outfitters
A Beard Grows In Brooklyn
Their Eyes Were Watching Wes Anderson
The Artisanal Grapes of Wrath
Five Euphemisms For Pregnancy
In the family way
Up the duff
Go Go Gadget Zygote!
Cribbin’ the ute
Pulling a Duggar
Five Reasons to Hate Winnie the Pooh
He’s not a real bear
He got his stupid head stuck in a honey jar
He hunted the heffalump to extinction
He smells like wet stuffing
He poohs in the woods
Five More Ways To Leave Your Lover
Leave on a ferry, Gary.
Grab an axe and decapitate, Nate.
Shove her bloody face in, Jason.
Dose her with strychnine, er –uh, Rick … stein.
Get your gun and shart shootin’, Putin.
Five Retroactove Product Placements in Movies
“Well I got her number. How do you like them Snapples?”
“They call me Mister Pibbs!”
“Forget it, Jake, it’s Chinet.”
“As god is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again – thanks to Stouffer’s Lean Cuisine!”
“A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some BUSH’s Baked Beans and a nice Franzia, the wine in a box.”