Five Things I Tried To Deduct On My Taxes

Mileage for community service

Tickets to Hello Kitty Con

Seminar on selling Beanie Babies for maximum profit

Cost of failed Genioplasty

Membership in the Jodie Sweetin fan club


Five Snowman Pickup Lines

Let’s have some fun before I melt away.

You know what they say – “Big carrot… ”

Hi, I’m Olaf and I like warm hugs.

You have the prettiest coal I’ve ever seen.



Five Cereal Mascot Crimes

Toucan Sam – Cocaine possession

The Trix Rabbit – Child endangerment

Alfie, Carlyle, Dave, Brunhilde and Seadog (S. S. Guppy Crew) – Mutiny

Count Chocula – Indecent Exposure

Tony the Tiger – Grrrrrrrrand Theft Auto


Five Autocorrects for Dirty Words




Shrimp Scampy

Fuqua School of Business


Five Things James Bond Would Never Say

Hit. You sunk my battleship!

That’s one purdy mule.

One adult for Spongebob: Sponge Out Of Water, please.

Dude, that Double Western Bacon Cheeseburger® from Carls’s Jr. is really making my colon gnarly!

This has never happened to me before. Can we can just cuddle?


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