FIVE RANDOM FIVE (All-Animal Edition)

Five Signs You Married A Monkey

Your compost bin is 90% full of banana peels

Some spouses nitpick; she picks nits

Her family reunions take place in a zoo

That big red ass

Instead of throwing the bouquet, she flings her poo

 

Five Bird Names I Can’t Believe Are Bird Names

Slaty-breasted tinamou

Southern screamer

Erect-crested penguin

Tawny frogmouth

Cinnamon-frosted crampstuffer

 

Five LOLcat Wannabes

BFFzebras

DIAFparrots

WTFbears

BDSMturtles

LMFAOtters

 

Five Dolphin Complaints

Those bastards at Sea World

Fin rot

Since he went Hollywood, Flipper never returns calls

Racists who confuse us with porpoises

Handsy tourists who always wanna stick something in the blowhole

 

Five Reasons Old McDonald Should Be Locked Up

Farm is really a front for illegal pot operation

Runs fetish site involving free range eggs and a some busty milkmaids

“Old McDonald” really a codename for Russian mob hitman

Mrs. McDonald is buried out behind the chicken coop

He’s racked up a list of crimes against nature so extensive that he’s consistently atop PETA’s Most Wanted list

 

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