Five Other Things Scotland Didn’t Vote For

The Libertarian Party

Ariana Grande as Favorite TV actress at the 2014 Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards

The building going condo

The purple M&M



Five Failed General Mills Monster Cereals

Phantom of the Oatmeal

The Loch Ness Marshmallow


The Hunchback of Nutri-Grain



Five People Who Have Difficulty Self Pleasuring

King Midas

Edward Scissorhands

The dude whose hands are bananas

Venus de Milo



Five Reasons to Hate Butterflies

They’re nothing but uppity caterpillars

Now pretty much synonymous with the tramp stamp

All those colors … it’s like a Crayola box threw up and flew away!

They will suck the breath out of you while you sleep, like in those Lunesta ads

Chaos theory


Five Embarrassing Confessions

I failed Math 1 at college

I proposed to my first wife because a Ouija board said I should

When scared, I secrete a pheromone that smells like chicory

On weekends, I cosplay as Kim Possible

I got my prom date by scamming the Make-A-Wish foundation

Tags: , , ,

%d bloggers like this: