I was answering this online quiz once and the question was posed: “What is America’s most hated birthday gift?” The options were scented candles, bath salts or novelty mugs. I checked the mugs, of course, but was informed that I was wrong; it’s the candles. Now I’ve got to express my disbelief here because, while it’s true that not everyone cares for scented candles (the Philistines!), show me anyone who’s EVER gotten excited over a “World’s Best Golfer” coffee mug. I’d wager even Tiger Woods wants to lodge ceramic shards of pain in the backsides of his kids when they try and pull that kind of cheap-ass stupidity.