FIVE RANDOM FIVE

Five Tony Award Crushes

Audra McDonald

Emmy Rossum

Kate Mara

Jessie Mueller

Hedwig

 

Five Places That Sound Dirty

Bangkok

Lake Titicaca

The Dry Tortugas

Cockfosters

Fukuoka

 

Five Rejected Children’s Book Titles

The Very Horny Caterpillar

Oh the Places You’ll Go To The Bathroom

A Winklevoss in Time

Charlotte’s Adult Webcam

Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret Thatcher

 

Five Ways To Make Horse Racing More Interesting

The horses ride the jockeys

Track is shaped like an Escher drawing

Every horse equipped with lasers and bayonets

Only spectators allowed are belligerent monkeys

Loser becomes dinner at nearest homeless shelter

 

Five Florida Tourist Slogans

It’s not the heat – it’s the stupidity.

Where grandmas goes to die and coeds go to get wild.

Too hot to panhandle.

Come for Disney. Stay for … uh … nope, Disney is pretty much it.

Teabagging Cuba since the 16th century.

 

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