Five Women Who Turned Me Down

Ginger W. – Coffee after work

Jill O. – Senior prom

Mrs. Bailey, 5th Grade teacher – My marriage proposal

Kim C. – Moving with her to DC

Margaret G. – Pretty much anything romantic, intimate, long-term or sexual


Five German Words That Kind Of Sound Dirty







Five Muppet Mistakes

Getting drunk at Christmas Party & telling Kermit what you really think of him

Sharing a hot tub with Kevin Clash

Machine washing & not dry cleaning

Taking Henson’s name in vain

Biting the hand that fills you


Five Rejected Toys

Rock’em Sock’em Rabbis

Easy Bake Oxen

Tickle Me Elmore Leonard

Hungry Hungry Hipsters

Stretchmark Armstrong


Five Surprises in Amazing Spider-Man 2

Peter Parker competes on America’s Got Talent

Stan Lee cameos as Gwen Stacy’s creepy, “handsy” uncle

J. Jonah Jameson becomes contributor to the HuffPo

Aunt May gets her groove back

Spidey’s biggest nemesis turns out to be buttcrack-riding spandex

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