High Five

I’ve been seeing these ads for 5 Gum for some time now and I finally have to get something off my chest. Each commercial, like the one below, shows someone stimulating their senses by chewing 5 Gum. The experience is depicted in some bizarre sci fi/X Games mishmash to which I am left to cry, “IT’S ONLY GUM!!!” Seriously, you’re not ingesting LSD or taking the red pill from The Matrix! But the guys at Wrigley make it seems like you pop a piece of their chewtastic, flavorlicious masticatory synthetic rubber and you get catapulted into a super-hyped world of sensory overload. Not buying it, gumlords. You are just hawking Chiclets by another name – you haven’t created an avatar for immersion into another realm – so knock it off already. Honestly, I bet you’re the one that fifth dentist would choose.

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