FIVE RANDOM FIVE

Five Noises That Frighten Me

Balloons popping

Snakes hissing

Sound of a pump-action shotgun

Unexplained scratches under my bed at night

Nickelback on the radio

 

Five Odd Reasons To Watch The Winter Olympics

Luge fetish

To root against those bastards from Fiji

Mistaken belief that skeleton uses an actual skeleton

Speed skating pile-ups

Hoping to see a shirtless Putin

 

Five Other Questionable Places Dennis Rodman Has Visited

A church located in a strip mall

A ferret farm

Spencer’s Gifts (the section in the back)

A Brony convention

A Waffle House with a D sanitation grade

 

Five Rarely-Used Condiment-Derived Adjectives

Ketchuppity

Mustardant

Mayonnasty

Worcestershiftless

Wasabitchin’

 

Five Signs You’re Having The Devil’s Baby

The baby kicks every time you hear Depeche Mode’s Personal Jesus

Animals react violently in your presence

Your obstetrician begins speaking in tongues

The Satanic coven camped out on your front lawn

Your last name is Kardashian

Advertisements

Tags: , , , ,


%d bloggers like this: