People I Hate #511 (In A Series)

Who: The burglars in the CPI Security ads.

Why: First off, they’re criminals. Criminals are bad. But these guys are worse than that – they’re cowards. They break in to some house and the CPI security spots them and the disembodied voice demands, “CPI Security – IDENTIFY YOURSELF!” And what does the burglar do? He looks around, confused, and leaves. No defiant, “Screw you!” or a finger to the camera. No obvious comprehension that if the security force has already seen his face he might as well grab a flat screen as he departs. Just gritted teeth, that rat-in-a-trap sneer and – vamoose! He had the big brass ones to kick open a suburban door in broad daylight but he can’t muster the cahones to stick to his guns and be a frickin’ burglar!

How I justify it: They’ve created these jokers to be so laughably stereotypical and over the top that you have to hate them (I half expect to see the next ad feature a guy in a black and white striped shirt wearing a black mask like the Hamburglar). And it’s all to frighten you into buying their security service. Worst of all – the scare tactics work. The rep’s coming by tomorrow at 2.

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