There Goes The Neighborhood

Hey, State Farm. I had a minor fender bender recently. So seriously minor it doesn’t bear mentioning except that I’ve been driving since, like, the Eisenhower administration and never been in an accident so I wasn’t sure what to expect. Point is – those commercials you guys air are so egregiously misleading there outta be a class action suit. I mean, I stood there singing, “Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there!” with such gusto I might as well have been auditioning for the revival of The Fantasticks and – NOTHING! No insurance agent magically appeared to offer me money or teleport me out of harm’s way or turn the dude in the other vehicle into a hot babe that wanted to have sex with me. So what’s up with that, huh? You got those spots all over the tube and I have to believe you can’t legally say it if it’s not true so what gives? After a while, my voice got hoarse and all I could do was whisper your jingle through tears like some deranged auto insurance groupie. Hell, I woulda settled for that joker with the dollar bill on the fishing line at that point.

Bottom line: fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again! Either change those damn ads or I’m gonna start talkin’ to a certain Gecko about my insurance options. He’s a friendly little fellow. I bet he’ll come when called. (Although with my luck I’ll get that bloody squealing pig.)

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