Let’s Screw With The Future!

Have you seen the video of the time travelers on cell phones?

A while back some video surfaced – a clip of an extra in a Charlie Chaplin film, another of a young woman walking out of a factory – purporting to be of people in the 1920s and 1930s on cell phones. Of course, as most everyone who wasn’t homeschooled knows, cell phones weren’t around in the first half of the 20th century. So, by way of explanation, if these people were on cell phones in a time when there were no cell phones then they MUST be time travelers. Complete BS. But if there’s anything the Internet loves it’s unfounded erroneous crap. That means the videos became a bit of a sensation on the worldwide web and even logical protestations such as There were no cell towers for which to get a signal to use the phones! and Time travelers wouldn’t be so stupid so as to call attention to themselves by using futuretech out in the open like that! were met with eyes rolls as if the naysayers just didn’t get the point.

Well, the point is we may never know what exactly these denizens of the past were doing but one thing is clear – we must do the very same to the people of the future! Think about it. Who knows what kind of bizarre and impressive kinds of telecommunication will exist in 50 or 100 years. Maybe a smaller cell phone device surgically affixed to our temples or retina-based readouts were we touch the air and move things around like Minority Report. Geez, it could even be telepathic in nature. So if in a century or two people in the future look back at the quaint videotape or digital media of today and see us doing the things they so perfunctorily do to talk to one another across great distances they will think we are all time travelers!

That’s why we need to start doing these things, whatever they may be. So the next time you pose for a picture at a party or get recorded on a night out with your friends do something that may seem odd today but in the coming centuries could appear as though you are one of them. Touch your thumb and index finger to your temple and talk or gesticulate wildly in the air as if you’re moving unseen video screens. Nod your head and stick out your tongue or grit your teeth and make staccato guttural sounds. Intertwine your fingers and waggle them purposefully. Just do something! Make it look like you’re having a conversation from the future because we want those supercilious bastards to look back at us and freak the hell out! How could they possibly be using the phones like we use them? They didn’t have them! They must be time travelers!! Stupid, you say? Yes, but think of the time they’ll waste trying to make sense of it all.

And, sure, out of every thousand people who do this, 999 will look like complete loons but that one person – that ONE person who just happens upon by sheer accident the exact motion that mirrors whatever passes for a phone call in the 23rd century will make them lose their massive future minds!

So, come on, people. Let’s do it… let’s screw with the future!

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