Hush, little baby, don’t say a word. Mama’s going to buy you a mockingbird. And if that mockingbird won’t sing, Mama’s going to buy you a diamond ring.  And if that diamond ring turns brass, Mama’s going to buy you a looking glass.  And if that looking glass gets broke, Mama’s going to buy you a billy goat. 

Whoa.  Now look here a minute.  The bird was kind of cool, I’ll admit, but a diamond ring?!  That’s a hell of an upgrade.  And then, who the blazes thinks a mirror – or a freakin’ farm animal – is an acceptable substitute for a major jewelry purchase?  Screw it.  Just get me a gift certificate or a gift card or something.  I really don’t trust your sense of gift equality here.


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