Five Forgotten SPAM Precursors

BORK – Pork shoulder and beef

MUCK – Chicken and mutton

DAM – Duck mixed with ham

FEEF – Fish and beef

PENISON – Venison with pork


Five Cartoon Crushes

Daphne from Scooby Doo

Jessica Rabbit

Sailor Moon

She-Ra, Princess of Power

Josie and the Pussycats


Five Danica Patrick Wreck Excuses

“I swerved to avoid a deer.”

“The traffic was really, really horrible.”

“Daydreaming about my new sexy commercial.”

“Objects in mirror are closer than they appear… who knew?”

“Women drivers. Am I right, guys?”


Five Signs Sesame Street Characters Hate You

Bert & Ernie have unfriended you on Facebook

Every morning your lawn is full of trash courtesy of a certain Grouch

Grover the waiter always spits in your soup

Cookie Monster makes throat slashing motions whenever he sees you

The tell-tale yellow feather in the bird poop on your car


Five Unfortunate Prom Themes

A Stairway to Heaving

A Night to Dismember

Enchantment Under the Stairs

Save the Last Dance for MeeMaw

Cupid’s Balls

Sparky MacMillan has binders full of women.


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