Broadcast Nuisance

Hi there! Welcome to the season premiere of THE FLEHMEN RESPONSE! It’s a special two-hour season debut, complete with special effects, action-packed plot, guest-star cameos and the obligatory trip to France a la Facts of Life. It all starts out when this jewel thief slips his ill-gotten goods into my backpack during a Zumba class. Of course, I don’t know what’s going on and there’s this whole ’round-the-world chase, kind of a It’s A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World meets Gotcha! Lots of fun.

But don’t tune out after the season opener, no sir! This season’s gonna be one small screen extravaganza after another. There’s the dream episode in which I compete on Celebrity Duets, the all-singing-all-dancing musical episode choreographed by Julianne Hough and the “very special” episode where I lose my virginity to my boyfriend Tucker who’s home from college on fall break.

A few changes of note though: veteran character actor Harry Dean Stanton appears this season as my eccentric Grandpa Bert, replacing the departing Ben Vereen. The late Harry Morgan makes a return engagement as my dad but he’s no longer in the CIA – he now runs a bed & breakfast in Myrtle Beach. Martin Short does several guest spots as my imaginary friend “Mr. Jams” and Lucy Lawless shows up in a recurring role as my strict but loveable piano teacher Susie Belle. Unfortunately, due to contractual snafus, Michelle Rodriguez does not return as my sister Lucinda, so she’ll be written out early in the season by saying she’s “off at chiropractic school.” And, fingers crossed, we’re still hoping to talk January Jones into coming back as the unnamed girl next door who likes to sunbathe topless (there was still a story arc there that was never adequately wrapped up, as far as I’m concerned).

All in all, I’m looking forward to the new season. Heck, it’s not easy putting out this yummy muffin o’ fun called THE FLEHMEN RESPONSE but it sure is worth it. Our Nielsens more than testify to that.

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