FIVE RANDOM FIVE

Five Hamster Complaints

Owner never changes the drinking water

Mrs. Quigley’s third grade class always staring

Facebook stock virtually worthless

Wife ate all the kids

THIS $%&ING WHEEL GOES NOWHERE!!

 

Five Things I’ve Never Had In My Kitchen

Dutch oven

Fennel

Panini press

Cupcake corer

Bob Mould

 

Five Fashion Portmanteaus

Murse (man + purse)

Jeggings (jeans + leggings)

Pewtest (pewter + vest)

Doodie (denim + hoodie)

Crants (crotchless + pants)

 

Five Public Toilet Nuisances

TP doesn’t roll out smoothly

Funky smell

Guy using the baby changing table to iron his slacks

Hand dryer blows

Larry Craig adopting a wide stance in the stall next to you

 

Five X-Rated Candy Bars

Milky Three Way

Toblerbone

Mallo D Cup

Buttfinger

3 Musketeers, 1 Cup

 

Sparky MacMillan is a clean slate with a blank head.

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