So the news is out: Justin Bieber wanted for questioning in scuffle. Apparently the teen pop star allegedly “roughed up” a photographer at a shopping center. Of course this is Bieber we’re talking about, not Tyler Durden, so the word choice was deliberate. Scuffle. Not fight or melee or fracas or brawl but scuffle. A scuffle is what happens when two PTA moms both go after the last parking spot at their kids’ soccer match, so the journalist who wrote that headline knew what he was talking about. Yeah, I’m sure the papparazzo who got up close and personal with Baby boy would like to pretend he got a Sopranos-style beatdown so he gets props for standing up to a rampaging adolescent idol but we all know it probably went something like this:
Bieber: Hey, man. Get outta my face!
Photog: Smile for the camera, Justin! [snaps picture]
Bieber: Dude, my chick’s here! [tries to brush past photographer]
Photog: How’d you like the movie? [continues snapping pics]
Bieber: Back off, man! [tries to slap photographer]
Photog: Whoa there, kid … [backs up, chuckles]
Bieber: I’ll get you! [corners photographer, lightly slaps him with both hands]
Bieber: I’m hard, man! [continues lightly slapping]
Bieber: I’m from the ATL! [fails to land any serious blow]
Photog: You’re Canadian, dingus! [falls down laughing, hits head on sidewalk; Bieber runs away]
Sigh. Bieber. Every day he’ scufflin’ … scufflin’ … scufflin’ .