Archive for September, 2011

Dismember The Lyrics

September 30, 2011

Oh, sure. Anything sounds nonsensical when it’s taken out of context and set to music…

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B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

September 28, 2011

If there is an explanation for this, I don’t wanna know.

Honestly, who cares. This is freakin’ awesome!

Have A Ball (Peen)

September 27, 2011

“This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.” – Will Rogers

And you know what they say: one baby with a hammer is dangerous and frightening – but two babies with hammers is pay-per-view fun!

The Thom Thom Club

September 26, 2011

According to Wiki, she’s been active for over 6 years now but I just heard her singing for the first time today and I’m smitten. She’s Scottish singer-songwriter Sandi Thom. Hope you enjoy her have as much as I have.

Waiting To Exalt

September 24, 2011

I once celebrated my birthday in the waiting room of an orthodontist’s office. I was turning twelve and I was getting my braces tightened. Due to a miscommunication between the receptionist and my legal guardian about the time of my appointment, I was dropped off at the orthodontist at 8:20am and not picked up until well after five in the afternoon. When I told the receptionist it was my birthday, she gave me half of her Figurine diet bar.

Strangely enough, I remember that one as one of my better birthdays.

Pop Goes The Webitude

September 23, 2011

The week ends and you’re counting the hours until you clock out and how do you make the most of that time? You surf, baby. Surf like your life depends on it!

So time’s a-wastin’. Let’s go.

What are THE 100 GREATEST COVER SONGS OF ALL TIME? Truthfully, you may be surprised. I was.

How about the 50 BEST SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE SKITS?  Sadly, it’s a slideshow. Happily, the early years are highly represented!

Next, what are the 50 DOCUMENTARIES TO SEE BEFORE YOU DIE? Actually, pretty good list.  I’ve only seen 14 of them but those were well worth my time, so update your Netflix Qwikster queue now!

As the new fall TV season ramps up, let us take a moment to recall the unfortunate fallen: THE QUICKEST CANCELED TV SHOWS. And let us ponder who amongst the newly-launched might soon joined this list (yeah, I’m looking at you, Playboy Club).

Finally, we’ll wrap up with the TOP 23 FAKE BANDS: THE BEST FICTIONAL MUSIC GROUPS OF FILM AND TV. Come for Drive Shaft. Stay for Dingoes Ate My Baby!

Cur-llective Bark-aining?

September 22, 2011

If dogs could unionize, what do you think they’d demand? Bigger hydrants? Nicer smelling butts to sniff? More employment for those Saint Bernard’s that carry around rum in those little casks on their collars?

Who knows. It’s a moot point anyhow since canines are notoriously nonunion.

All Things Pathetic

September 21, 2011

The local NPR station offers a premium wherein a listener can “buy” an underwriting credit announcing the birthday of a loved one. So, if you pony up the requisite moolah, you can treat your significant other to an on-air Happy Birthday shout out sandwiched right between funding credits for Siemens and the Chubb Group. How bloody romantic.

FIVE RANDOM FIVE (1980s version)

September 20, 2011

I discovered this old FIVE RANDOM FIVE back from the days of my old LISTSERV column, Sparky Mac’s Super Crucial Totally Boss Deadly Fresh Fun Happen’en! Not sure if it’s still as relevant as it was in 1986, but it wastes time – so enjoy!

 

Five Trends That Need To Go Away Soon

Car phones

Yuppies

The Mullet

Valley Girl Speech

Reaganomics

 

Five Lessons Learned From Hands Across America

The common cold is a communicable disease

Bodacious babes like to save the world

Some people have reeeaaally sweaty palms

R2D2 has hands?!

“Across” is a very vague term

 

Five Reasons I Hate The Rubik’s Cube

Can’t get it to work without taking it apart

Squares be buggin’

Girlfriend left me for some bohunk who solved it in 60 seconds

The colors make me gag

Rubik is like a total hoser

 

Five Women I’d Marry Immediately If They Asked

Rebecca DeMorney

Stacy Q

That Cutie from the Starship Video “Sara”

Rae Dawn Chong

Tie: The Go Gos / The Bangles

 

Five Things You’ll Never Hear During a Game of Gauntlet

“It’s morning in America.”

“I didn’t come here lookin’ for trouble, I just came here to do The Super Bowl Shuffle!”

“Why is there a watermelon there?” “I’ll tell you later.”

“Valkyrie, your lifeforce is bitchin’!”

“Avoid the Noid.”

Sparky MacMillan can’t fight this feeling anymore.

Viral Load

September 19, 2011

Security company McAfee has named Heidi Klum as the “most dangerous celebrity” because nearly one out of every 10 online searches for her lead to computer viruses.  How sad.  If I’m gonna get a virus from Ms. Klum, I at least want a doctor to be able to cure it with a course of penicillin!