Archive for June, 2011

Birthday Sweet!

June 30, 2011

My fondest birthday memory involves a can of Sterno, a Stretch Armstrong doll and two gallons of Chunky Monkey Ice Cream.

Ah!  You only turn 23 once!

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What in the Wide, Wide World of Sports…?

June 29, 2011

It’s the birthday of late, great actor Slim Pickens. And I can only celebrate with his most famous scene ever, one of the most iconic ever. If it means something to you, enjoy. If not, I weep for you.

Happy Happy Joy Joy

June 28, 2011

”Let us be grateful to people who make us happy: They are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” – Marcel Proust

Yes! Thank you, makers of Floam!

Shark Treatment

June 27, 2011

Okay, I’m a reasonable guy. I prefer to let logic rule my life rather than superstition. That’s not to say I don’t have an active imagination and, rational or not, my mind sometimes latches onto some trivial piece of information and twists it into a ridiculously impossible threat that causes me more than a few sleepless nights.

That being said, who thought it appropriate to run with this little revelation: There’s An Inflatable Shark! Granted, this thing’s in the Philippines and only takes in water to scare off predators, but someone had the wonderful, intelligent idea to paste the words “Inflatable Shark!” across newspapers and news sites and now I picture a ferocious man-eater with the insane ability to grow to the size of a small zeppelin and fly into my bedroom and bite my legs off! Irrational? To be sure, but it’s there and all the calming words in the word cannot dislodge that vicious image from my noggin.

Inflatable sharks. Just another reason I haven’t slept since the Clinton administration.

 

FIVE RANDOM FIVE

June 26, 2011

Five Words That Could Be Misheard As Dirty

Posse

Pianist

Schick

Philately

Volvo

 

Five Lame Disparaging Terms for Australians

Koala Kissers

Down Underachievers

Ayers Rockheads

Sydney Opera Louses

Shrimp Tossers

 

Five Reasons To Speed

Driving wife to hospital to have a baby

Chasing down suspect

Bus will explode if goes below 55mph

Competing in a NASCAR race

Being chased by T Rex (Jurassic Park only)

 

Five Embarrassing Crushes

Tina Yothers

Michele Bachmann

That Computer Generated Japanese Popstar

Shari Lewis and Lamb Chop

Mrs Butterworth

 

Five Pixar Sequels That Will Never Happen

Up Yours!

Cars 3: Mater Stripped for Parts

Wall-E Gets Freaky With An iPhone

Ratatouille: Kitchen Closed Due To Vermin

Filleting Nemo

Sparky MacMillan is a dominatrix super-model beauty queen.

Hey Solstice-uh!

June 25, 2011

It’s been four days since the Solstice and I’ve still got these damn Druids camped out on my lawn. Sure, they keep the chanting to a minimum and pick up after themselves – and I really don’t mind the female nudity – but they’ve got that Wicker Man of theirs about 90% complete and I’m beginning to get a little worried.

Seriously. Do I call Orkin to deal with these guys?

Tech-A-Tech-A-Tech Me!

June 24, 2011

Got me one of them new iPads today. Well, not so much “new” iPad. Not an iPad 2 or anything. More old school, actually. No, not a first gen either. Reeeeally old school. OK, it’s an Etch-A-Sketch with iPad written in Sharpie on the back.  But if you squint real hard …

Sigh. State employee’s salary. What can I say?

A Wing and a Miss!

June 23, 2011

So, with the proliferation of superhero movies coming out, who’s left to breakout on the big screen? You’d be surprised. Really – you’d be very surprised! (A little salty NSFW language, but otherwise fun.)

Over The Rainbow

June 22, 2011

It may not be the best ad campaign ever but Skittles sure gets booted to the top of the list for originality. Sadly, the agency responsible for these unique commercials has been given the axe, so no more singing bunnies or tube sock men or general weirdness via colorful candy.

Let us then take a moment to reflect on the Skittles ads and RELIVE THE RAINBOW.

Ray Band

June 21, 2011

It’s Ray Davies’ birthday and while the casual Kinks fan might opt for a Lola or a You Really Got Me I have to select a little ditty called Apeman to celebrate. Enjoy!