Did you know that if you didn’t get a chance to vote on November 2, it’s not too late? Most polling sites are still open as a courtesy to those of us who were busy on election day. Ain’t civics cool?
Archive for November, 2010
Five Radio-Themed Songs
The Nightfly – Donald Fagen
Pilot Of The Airwaves – Charlie Dore
WOLD – Harry Chapin
Mohammed’s Radio – Warren Zevon
Radio Radio – Elvis Costello
Five Things I Hope Scientists Never Find Give You Cancer
Feeling superior to idiots
Five Reasons to Dislike College
Tenured professors who should have retired years ago
High cost of textbooks
Five Pepperidge Farm Cookies That Could Be Stripper Names
Five Historical Smells
Black Death Plague Pyres, 1349
Genghis Khan’s beard, 1223
Mustard gas, WWI
Cardamom, Spice Routes, 40BC
Tyrannosaurus Fart, Cretaceous Period
Sparky MacMillan is a macramé god. Worship him! Worship him!
The Flehmen Response Song of the Day is Amie by Pure Prairie League.
Remember to listen and win with The Flehmen Response!
“I never let schooling interfere with my education.” — Mark Twain
Hmmm. Sounds like a community college bloke to me!
Okay, now that Thanksgiving has passed, we move headfirst into the Bermuda Triangle of Loserdom. I speak of the Triumvirate of Washout Holidays: Christmas, New Year’s Eve and Valentine’s Day. Granted, these are wonderful days, wherein those who wish can enjoy celebratory sights and sounds the like the rest of us loveless and forlorn can only dream. What I mean to say is that there’s nothing like a trio of holidays designed for people with partners to make a body feeling lonely and useless.
First, you’ve got to negotiate the Yuletide festivities of Christmas by dodging mistletoe and bad apple cider, then you have to pray no one notices you’ve got no one to kiss at midnight on January 1st, and finally, when you think the worst is over, bam – the mother of all relationship-based celebrations: Valentine’s Day. And all within 60 days.
Someone out there has a sick sense of humor.
Well, this year I say, “no thank you”. I shall abstain from the feast of humility and dejection. I will not suckle at the teat of the dam despair, lest I choke on it’s sourness. I plan to make this holiday season the best ever by ignoring the usual hokum and claptrap and concentrating on the one sure thing that can make me forget my troubles: ESPN2 and Clamato juice.
See ya in March, suckers!
Well, it is Thanksgiving, after all. So, I guess it’s time to take stock, count my blessings and make my annual list of 50 things that I am thankful for.
Okay. Here goes.
1. My cats, Swenson, Tiberius and Fluffernutter
2. My rent-controlled apartment
3. My sense of humor
4. My original Hockney
5. The smell of honeysuckle
6. Wine in a box
8. The ten-year/100,000 mile powertrain protection on my Hyundai
9. My MENSA scores
10. The films of Buster Keaton
12. British spellings like “colour” and “civilisation”
13. My vestigial tail
14. The entire KISS army
16. Reruns of Rocko’s Modern Life on NickToons
17. The song Afternoon Delight
18. Bounce Fabric softener sheets
19. The Crimean War
20. Triple A
21. Right on red
23. The spin cycle
24. Mr. Bucket
26. Shadow puppets
27. My indoor archery range
28. A lazy DA’s office and an inept crime lab
30. Shakespeare’s works
31. My membership in the Justin Bieber fan club
32. Chaos theory
33. Farina (the cereal meal, not Dennis … although he’s pretty cool)
34. Ben & Jerry’s innovativeness
36. Benny Hill
38. Origami swans
39. Geico commercials
40. CBS’ cancellation of Gary Unmarried
41. My citizenship badge from Webelo scouts
42. A vigilant highway patrol
43. Meatless corn dogs
44. Opposable thumbs
45. The fact that they finally expunged my juvenile record
46. That new tubeless toilet paper
47. The Walking Dead on AMC
48. My John Deere stock
49. French toast
50. My ability to lie through my teeth.
Oh, and life, freedom, love, happiness and all that crap.
Anyway. Hope your Turkey Day is cool.
Everyone loves a parade, right? Well, since it’s that time of year, enjoy 12 OBSCURE MACY’S THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE BALLOONS FROM YEARS PAST. Float, float on.
Cookie Monster wants to host SNL. Oh, hell yes! Let’s make this happen, people!
Here’s an ad for a very special toy. It’s a cute little dachshund. A doggie that apparently needs to go walkies. By the way, it’s German – does that make it any more comforting? No, of course not.
I’m guessing it went down like this. Someone was sitting in a room somewhere. I picture it in a lair … an underground lair. Because every villain has a lair and this could only have been perpetrated by some villainous person, right? A demon with no morals. So, anyway, someone was sitting in an underground lair somewhere. And they said to themselves, “What are the two most evil things in existence?” They thought about it, maybe the made a short list, but eventually they came up with an answer and followed it with the thought, “How can we make these two evils things even more heinous? I know – merge them!”
And that’s how, I’m guessing, that Snuggie commercial where the people dance the Macarena came to be. Either that or some Cthulu-type blood ritual sacrifice. But, logically, the underground lair makes the most sense to me.