What’s on my mind? What have I been watching? What have I been doing? What have I been talking about? The Hot Ten will bring you up to speed.
MONKEY SECURITY GUARDS. The coolest thing ever! Get up and guard like apes!
FISHER PRICE RECALL. Wow. With Chinese recalls and now THIS, you might as well just give your kid a lead bar to suck on.
STAPLES AD WORST IN AMERICA. Nationwide’s World’s Greatest Spokesperson in the World feels slighted.
HOTEL DEATH RAY IN VEGAS. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Or else.
BULLIES THROW PEANUTS AT ALLERGIC KIDS. They pelted us with legumes and goobers! Unh. Get … the … epi …. pen ….
NORTHERN LIGHTS HIT 100 YEAR LOW. Damn. The economy‘s affecting everything!
KIDS WITH ADHD MORE LIKELY TO HAVE MISSING DNA. The DNA’s all, like, Hey, the cell’s dividing, I’d better replicate and – oh, there’s a Zaxby’s. What was the name of Bill Murray’s character in “Caddyshack?” I think I need to get gas for the car. Did I call mom last night? Corn is a funny-sounding word. Corn. Corn. Oooh, that protein strand looks like a bear!
DOMINO’S BREAKFAST PIZZA. If you vomit in 30 minutes or less, it’s free.
STAR WARS GOING 3D. Plans to re-release the movies in cinemas with 3D effects are underway. Why? Logistically, it’s just more efficient than George Lucas going door-to-door to personally piss on your childhood memories.
BEDBUGS STRIKE HOWARD STERN STUDIO. Thought the little bastards would leave him alone – if only out of a professional courtesy.
Sparky MacMillan was born in the wagon of a travellin’ show.