Archive for September, 2009

Webitudes VII: The Stone of Cold Fire

September 30, 2009

It’s a numberific journey around the dubya dubya dubya as we countdown to fun … (hey, it’s late, I’m logy, bear with me)

We’ll start off with THE 100 WORST FILMS OF THE LAST DECADE, courtesy of Rotten Tomatoes.  I pride myself on the fact that I’ve only paid to see one of them.  I also am baffled by the fact that the list contains two Larry the Cable Guy movies yet no Soul Plane.

Then we’ll take a gander at 50 EXTRAORDINARY AND ATTRACTIVE BILLBOARDS.  Screw the scenery; the babies are fantastic!

Next, check out THE 20 WEIRDEST TV INTERVIEWS OF ALL TIME.  And keeping with an even score theme, it’s THE 20 MOST BIZARRE CRAIGSLIST ADVERTS OF ALL TIME.  Wow.  And I thought the personals in the free independent weekly were odd.

And let’s round it out with a tasty roundup of 17 SCI FI THEMED CAKES.  I found it interesting that when I saw the Spider-Man cake, I said to myself, “Hey!  That’s not Spider-Man … that’s Zombie Spider-Man!  Don’t these idiots know anything?!”  Which only proves that I’m probably the type who’s gonna get one of these cakes for my next birthday.  

Dig Dug – The Movie

September 29, 2009

Ad Hockey

September 28, 2009

It’s early yet – a few more centuries to go before all the votes are in – but I’m willing to turn over all the cards now and call this ad for Levi’s the winner of THE MOST PRETENTIOUS COMMERCIAL OF THE MILLENNIUM! 

Look at it … carefree, disaffected young people … Walt Whitman poetry … the concept of jeans equated with trailblazing freedom and unique creativity … it’s just all too much.  And I’ve seen a lot of bad ads before; that’s not the issue.  It’s all just so full of itself.  So overblown and showy, conspicuous and bombastic.  They’re just PANTS for crying out loud!

Fun With Pork!

September 27, 2009

Yes, you heard me: Fun With Pork!!!! 

Do the dance!  Sing about the pork!  Enjoy the sassy goodness!


Meat Depress

September 26, 2009

I have to say that even though I know deep down that I should not be surprised, I cannot help but be taken aback by humanity’s stupidity, gluttony and need for self-destruction.

To wit: Red Robin’s latest “gourmet” item: the Wise Guy Burger. Seen this artery blocking hunk of caloric comestible? It’s a hamburger topped with pepperoni and mozzarella sticks. Yes, you read that right: pepperoni and mozzarella sticks! Shyeah. Like the gourmands who frequent this colonic cattle drive don’t have unhealthy enough eating habits they gotta shove even more beef, pork and batter-fried cheese straight down their gob like some mutant bolus of lard and gristle.

Oh well. To each his own angina. Keep eating, you future actuary statistics! And call me when you get your McBypass.


September 24, 2009

What’s on my mind?  What have I been watching?  What have I been doing?  What have I been talking about?  The Hot Ten will bring you up to speed.

MACKENZIE PHILLIPS NEW BOOKS REVEALS BAD, BAD THINGS.  Seriously.  Who would’ve thought anyone could have made Schneider look like less of a perv.

SOTOMAYOR GOT LOST ON WAY TO WHITE HOUSESo, for all her wise Latina woman posturing, she can’t follow a simple map?

CHILDREN WHO GET SPANKED HAVE LOWER IQs.  Adults who get spanked … well, you can find pretty much anything on Craigslist.

NASA FINDS ICE ON THE MOON AND MARS.  They didn’t have to go that far for ice.  Just down the hall to the ice machine.  Or to Kate Gosselin’s bedroom.  Boom!  Yeah, I said it!

BRITISH HAVE HAD SEX WITH 2.8 MILLION PEOPLE.  While it’s kinda cool to think you’re just six degrees of carnal separation from Kate Beckinsale or Kate Winslet, you know more likely it’s six degrees of carnal separation from Amy Winehouse or one of the Royal Family (and not the halfway decent under 30 ones).

APPALACHIAN CENSUS WORKER KILLED.  “A census taker once tried to test me.  I hung him naked from a tree and etched ‘Fed’ into his chest to protect my illegal meth lab and pot fields.”  Hmmm.  Doesn’t quite have the same cinematic, quotable vibe as “fava beans and a nice chianti,” does it?

HAPPY WORDS NEED HAPPY PICTURES.  It’s an insulin shock of cute overdose and an ad for Windows 7.  I can’t get enough of it.  And more happy is coming!

FEWER WOMEN HAVE CHILDREN IN RECESSION.  Of course, the Duggars and the Octomom pick up the slack to ensure an ever-increasing Malthusian nightmare.

RANDY QUAID ARRESTED IN TEXAS.  Sure, I’d like my money back for Quick Change too, but it hardly seems a jailable offence.  Pluto Nash, on the other hand.

REALLY BIG BABY.  Indonesian sprog weighs in at nearly 20 pounds!  Bloody hell.  Any bigger and the kid wouldn’t have needed to be born – he’d just wear his mom like a second skin his entire life!

Sparky MacMillan will have a cherry lime rickey and a hard-boiled egg.

The Giving Spree

September 23, 2009

When I was young, every year on November 2, I’d get an anonymous gift.

Sometimes it would arrive by mail with no return address. Sometimes it would be left on the front doorstep, on the back porch or somewhere else I’d be sure to find it. Once, it came via a special courier who was dressed in a gorilla suit.

I never knew who sent these presents and I stopped getting them when I was seventeen. I used to imagine they were sent by my real parents who couldn’t acknowledge my existence because they were royalty or cool superhero adventurers off in a parallel dimension or something.  That still sounds like the most likely explanation. 

Hey, prove me wrong.


September 22, 2009

I was watching old episodes of The Banana Splits on Boomerang late last night and it suddenly occurred to me that, if you can overlook the catchy music and the psychedelic videos and the egregious slapstick, Fleegle, Bingo, Drooper and Snorky are basically a gang.  I mean, look at the facts: they hang out in a clubhouse or hideout, they have a known rivalry with another gang (the Sour Grapes Bunch) and they wear colors (okay, technically, they wear colorful Sid & Marty Krofft designed costumes, but I’m stretching an analogy here).  And what do bananas come in? A bunch.  And what’s another name for a bunch?  A gang!  Let’s face it: venerable children’s icons or not, these guys are just one drive-by away from being rounded up under the RICO act!  And I’m not suggesting that the rise of gang-related violence and activity in the 70s and 80s was directly attributable to a generation of kids growing up watching The Banana Splits but it does somehow begin to make sense, doesn’t it?

Alls I’m saying is it doesn’t help their case that in order to join their group’s fan club back in the late 60s, you had to bust a cap in the Hanna-Barbera character of your choice.  (I chose Lippy the Lion, BTW, so you can thank my 6-year-old self that that leonine loser was a veritable no-show in the Laff-A-Lympics a few years later.)

Tales From My Screwed-Up Childhood #53

September 21, 2009

When I was a little kid, I got one of those canned cows for my birthday.  You know – little can that when you turn it over it moos.  Scared the hell out of me.  Thought someone had actually stuffed a live cow in there.  I think that’s why I’m a vegetarian now.

Webitude VI: War of the Magi

September 20, 2009

Short and sweet. Here’s some stuff to waste more time than an office meeting.

Random facts on Facebook?  Too random or TMI?  25 THINGS I DIDN’T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT YOU gives you a hint.

Ah, the days where women were way too excited about household appliances. Take a look back at 15 VINTAGE HOUSEHOLD ADS

If you’ve ever played around with an Etch-A-Sketch, prepare to feel like a complete loser thanks to this guy who created THE ETCH-A-SKETCH PRESIDENT

Nerd Alert!  Check out NOTABLE COMPUTERS ON TV, FROM OMNATRIX TO EARTH.  Although why they left out NBC’s Supercomputer (1976 – 1976), I’ll never know.

Now, someone’s compiled a pretty decent list of THE FIVE BEST AND FIVE WORST MONTY PYTHON SOLO PROJECTS.  As a longtime Python fan, I was actually impressed to learn of a few I’d never known of before.  And I concur that Graham Chapman’s death has garnered very few gutbusting guffaws.

And what are your Favorite TV characters that no one ever played?  Asked and answered at FAVORITE TV CHARACTERS THAT NO ONE EVER PLAYED .  Aptly titled, don’tcha think?