Hey! Everybody! IT’S JELLO TIME!!!!! Yay!
Archive for July, 2008
They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Well, “they” haven’t been ripped off! I have. And having been ripped off before, I can smell a rat a mile away.
The Onion has stolen one of my ideas!
Check out this piece they did: AL GORE PLACES INFANT SON IN ROCKET TO ESCAPE DYING PLANET. Funny, yes. But original? Oooohhhh no!
Take a trip down memory lane with me to March 2007 when I posted on this here THE FLEHMEN RESPONSE a little piece I labeled KRYPTON IS DOOMED! Hmmm … now where have I seen … oh wait! MINE was first!
Not that I am actually accusing anyone at The Onion of plagiarizing me – had a prof in college who did that and it still smarts – no, I’m just pointing out this amazing coincidence. Great minds can think alike. And I’m sure that’s all this is here. Nothing more than two GREAT MINDS thinking alike. Great, creative, oroginal, comedic genius minds.
Still … one wonders if anyone at The Onion reads this blog. And if they’re hiring.
Sparky MacMillan needs a valium the size of a hockey puck.
The following is a message for a certain segment of our society some would erroneously call eccentric and daring.
All right, that’s it. I know you’re bored, I know you’ve got to prove something to yourself and to others in a vain attempt to justify your existence and I KNOW that you’ve got the mistaken belief that you are an aviation pioneer who belongs in the history books alongside the Wrights, Chuck Yeager and Neil Armstrong, but ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!!!!
Just stop it with these bloody helium balloon trips!
We’re sick of `em! Sick of you! Sick of hearing about your lawn chair travails over multiple counties, your wind-guided lack of direction and your oh-so-unsurprising crash landings! Sick of it all. People are freakin’ dying here. It’s not fun anymore.
So, stop it, already. Give to a charity or become a big brother or take up stamp collecting. Just give your ego a rest and cut out the ballooning!
Got it? Good.
I’ve never eaten at a Bennigan’s. Not even sure if I’ve ever seen a Bennigan’s. And now that the restaurant has filed for bankruptcy, I may never get the chance. But after seeing this Bennigan’s commercial, I certainly have a little more respect for the casual dining chain.
What if there were no stop signs? Well, I’ve seen the way some goobers roll through a four-way stop so it might not be such a rhetorical question. But rather than turn this into some sci fi parallel universe short story, let’s just keep it simple and sweet. Here’s an entertaining VIDEO that depicts the process of developing the stop sign through some marketing committee. Yes, it’s as unwieldy as it sounds. And more than just a little funny.
When I first heard that Starbucks was closing 600 stores, I thought it was a bad sign that the down economy had hit even such a major retail hydra so hard. Then I happened upon THIS LIST of the locations that are closing. Not a single Starbucks in my city or the city I just moved from is closing! In fact, only one within about a fifty-mile radius is shutting down. Then I realized that if you take infinity and then remove a fraction of it, no matter how large or small, you would still be left with infinity. So that means Starbucks still on every other corner for the time being.
Suddenly I am reminded of that line from Hotel Calfornia: “They stab it with their steely knives, but they just can’t kill the beast.”
Ah, hell. It’s Friday. Who wants to work? (Rhetorical question – hands down, you dirty suck up.) Not I. So let’s busy ourselves with some gems from around the dubya dubya dubya.
(By the way, if any of these sites displease, give ’em the NET DISASTER treatment and let them know where you stand.)
Ever wondered what THE TOP TEN MONKEY MOVIES are? Wonder no further. Well, check out the web site then wonder no further.
Then after you get your Curious George on, you can busy yourself in THE TOP 7 MOST MISGUIDED RAP ATTEMPTS. Yes, it’s as painful as it sounds.
Finally, we can cap the festivities off with THE 10 MOST UNDESERVING CELEBRITIES WHO GOT ACTION FIGURES. (Again – what? No Professor?!)
Who says science isn’t sexy? Pretty much anyone who’s ever dissected something in a biology class. But now there’s a company that’s hoping to put a little sizzle in the science lab.
Take a boring, repetitive lab procedure and marry it with a smooth boy band vibe and you get this: IT’S CALLED epMOTION. What is it? Only the most surreal ad for a product most of us will never ever need. And it is also freakin’ hilarious.
Check it out. You may actually be humming this inane little ditty yourself … as you sexily slave away in your white lab coat, of course.
On my ninth birthday, I was beaten with whiffle bats by a small gang of kids who, suffice it to say, weren’t entirely happy with the choice of party favors. My dad had brought a bucket of chum and thought it would be a pretty funny idea if …
Ah, who am I kidding? I never had a ninth birthday party. I never even had a dad. All I had was that bucket of chum.
Damn, I sure miss my chum.
All three acts of DR. HORRIBLE’S SING-ALONG BLOG are up and running now! But you have to act fast as they will be gone – poof! – come midnight Sunday! (A DVD will become available, I believe, but if you want the fun for FREE, you have only a limited time.)
Sing! Sing along! Sing out loud! Sing out – er, horribly.