Just read that Jenna Elfman’s naming her kid Story. No surprise. Just the latest in a long line of life-scarring decisions by one of our uber-elite.
So, listen up.
If you are a celebrity and you have a son or daughter with the name Shiloh Nouvel, Apple, Suri, Zolten, Lyric, Deacon, Zephyr, Diezel, Fifi Trixibelle, Pixie, Denim, Peaches Honeyblossom, Roan, Moxie Crimefighter, Bluebell Madonna or any similar moniker … then you need to hear this.
Stop it. Just bloody stop it. The planet is laughing at you and all the money in the world will not be enough to stop the butt-kicking your offspring will get in a few years on whatever private academy playground you send them to. It will not be enough to pay for the decades of intensive therapy the buggers will need to have anything even half resembling a normal life thanks to your ego and shortsightedness. Hell, you might as well name the sprog Pretentious or Target. Same friggin’ result.
You are not naming a pet! This is a child. A person. I know it’s a difficult concept to grasp as you crap out a press op amid the feeding frenzy of the paparazzi, but figure this out soon or you will most certainly face the wrath of a bitter, twisted mini me in a decade or two. Perhaps it will be a descriptive MySpace blog on which your son makes a rather vivid case to the Social Services Department or perhaps it will be an Internet video that gets downloaded as often per minute as your daughter does on same.
Regardless, you have been warned.
Bottom line. Celebrities, stop naming your kids stupid crap.