FIVE RANDOM FIVE (Justice League Edition)

November 18, 2017

Five Things Superman and Batman Fight Over

Which is cooler – the Batcave or the Fortress of Solitude

Who has the more tragic backstory

What toppings to get on a pizza

Batman never clears old episodes of Say Yes To The Dress from the JLA DVR

Whether to raise Robin Jewish or Lutheran

 

Five Legion of Doom Pet Peeves

Swamp headquarters attracts a lot of bugs

No healthy snacks in the commissary

Lex Luthor turned casual Fridays into pantless Fridays

Not nearly enough toys (Toyman only)

Solomon Grundy never flushes

 

Five Flash Pick-Up Lines

I like fast girls.

Don’t tell anyone … but my secret identity is Brad Pitt.

What has two thumbs and owns a cosmic treadmill? THIS guy!

Yeaaaaah, I know Green Arrow.

I’m only the fastest man alive when I’m fighting crime, if ya know what I mean. 

 

Five Milestone Comic Book Issues

Brave and the Bold #28 – The Justice League bands together for the first time

Flash #123 – Re-introduces Justice Society of America into continuity

Extreme Justice #2 – First appearance of Martian Manhunter’s longtime companion, G’ary

Justice League International #18 – Guy Gardner given atomic wedgie by Booster Gold

JLA #59 – Elongated Man and Sue Dibny attend a key party 

 

Five Justice League Hazing Initiations

Taking Aquaman “midnight swimming”

Streaking through the Avengers HQ

Drinking a fifth of vodka and reciting the Green Lantern oath

Pantsing Alfred

Burying the Wonder Twins in a shallow grave in the desert

 

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November 3 Trivia Rankings

November 16, 2017

Hey, Quizlings! Before we get to the wrap-up and rankings, three things I wish to impart:

1) There will be trivia next week and every Wednesday into the new year. Don’t miss a week of the triviaganza!

2) NEWBvember continues! Bring a newbie next week and the 29th and both of you get into a raffle for cool prizes.

3) I miss you when you’re gone. If you can’t make it next week due to the holiday or haven’t been around for a few weeks, please come back as soon as you can! My Quizlings are my family.

What happened this week? There was the Citizen of the Year, some cartoon magpies and Aquaman’s stepdaughter. Plus there was this snack treat …

See you next week, Quizlings! Now here are the rankings for the week. How’d your team do?

Knuckleheads 66
It Was The Busta Rhymes It Was The Worsta Rhymes 64
Hawkins A.V. Club 63
The Team Who No Longer Says “Ni!” 56
Where’s Spot? 54
GOP Plan: Both Death and Taxes 55
Shameless Panderers 53
Why Would Sparky Insult Me By Calling Me Old When I Would Never Call Him Short and Fat 52
Make America’s Malls Safe Again 52
‘Tis The Season For Treason 52
We Haven’t Been Here in Six Months – Are Brownies Still a Thing? 48
Team Ramrod 48
Tar Heels Made Us Late 43
Three Girls And A Guy 42
Cards Against The Presidency 41
Overplayed and Overrated 36

American Idle

November 13, 2017

I was out with friends at this happenin’ NYC club over the weekend. The place was packed – sweaty, writhing bodies from wall to wall. Suddenly, there was this commotion at the door. We all turned to look and spied Jennifer Lopez at the entrance, entourage in tow, arguing with the bouncer. “We’re full!” he was telling her. “We can’t fit another person in here right now!” But Ms. Lopez was not to be deterred one bit. She shook her head and wagged her finger at him and screamed, “Uh-UH!! There’s always room for J Lo!”

Charles Schulz Would NOT Approve

November 11, 2017

snoopysnoconemachinelarge

I once nearly killed a man with a Snoopy Sno Cone Machine. No, I’m not saying the man had a Snoopy Sno Cone Machine and I nearly killed him. No, I had the Snoopy Sno Cone Machine and I used it to nearly kill a man. Who is not important. The details are not important. But trust me when I say that the Snoopy Sno Cone Machine may make delicious frozen treats … but, under the right circumstances, it is also a lethal weapon.

November 8 Trivia Rankings

November 9, 2017

Newbvember is underway at Tomato Jake’s Wednesday Night Trivia! Bring a newbie to play our game and get a raffle ticket for you and the n00b all month long. Heck, bring seven new people and I’ll give you seven raffle tickets! There’s a drawing each week for some fun prizes – simply our way of saying “spread the word!” and “thanks for making our trivia shindig so awesome!”

This week? We went north to the future, ranked Apple emojis and tugged at Carol Burnett’s ear. Oh and someone ate a W (not Jameis Winston).

Plus there was this animated goodness:

Now let’s look at this week’s trivia rankings ….

Eggplant 60
Twice As Many Trump Tweets, Oh Yay! 60
The Team That Says “Ni” 59
That Gorrilla Is Still In The Basement 58
I Reset My Clocks – How Do I Reset My Dog? 58
Call Us Team  Love – Just Kidding 56
Stranger Facts 55
The Classic Movies Club 55
With Twice As Many Characters, He Still Says A Lot of Nothing 53
There’s Always Money in The Banana Stand 45
Labrum Surgery Is A Pain 41
Please Don’t Touch My Kitty 40
F!x Me, Cam 38
Justice For Barb 34
Numero Uno 32
Boots With Fur 30
Cat People 29

Crying Uncle

November 4, 2017

My 13th birthday fete at Pizza Inn and my Uncle Aidan, one of the few adult chaperones, decides it’s a good idea to entertain the Tweeners with a rousing chorus of Danny Boy. My first boy/girl party and the drunken lout’s ridiculous actions forevermore labeled me as an outcast at West Millbrook Junior High. Although, to be fair, the headgear, rock tumbler obsession, Thundercats bookbag and chess club membership pretty much had that covered already.

November 1st Trivia Rankings

November 2, 2017

Ah, what a lovely night for trivia, my Quizlings! Fall was in the air and there was absolutely no sports being broadcast anywhere ever. Denial aside, thanks to all who came to play. We learned that Denver isn’t the highest city after all. We found out who Kendall is dating this week. And we discovered why the Middle East will be ground zero for the rise of the machines.

Plus there was this MTV flashback…

Now let’s see how you did. Here are this week’s team rankings.

US Customs Took My Chocolate So We’d Like A Brownie 65
From One “Superteam”, Two “Super Teams” 64
New Pizza Topping: Leftover Halloween Candy 63
Go Ogle 62
Candy Coma 61
DMC 57
Hillary’s Innocent Again 57
Still Too Early For Christmas Decorations 56
Dun Dun Da Na Na Papdopoulos 55
Never Too Early For Christmas Decorations 54
Saucy Boys 53
Tell My Wi Fi Love Her 49
You Say Tomato… 48
We Suck Worse Than Nickleback 36

FIVE RANDOM FIVE (1970s Edition)

October 30, 2017

[The following is a piece I originally wrote back in 1979 on my old ARPANET site: “Sparky’s Far Out Dy-no-mite Funkadelic Super Rockin’ Heavy Scene”]

 

Five TV Characters Cooler Than The Fonz

Vinnie Barbarino

Buck Rogers

Venus Flytrap

The White Shadow

Tie: Bo Duke / Luke Duke

 

Five Trends That Need To Go Away

Pet Rocks

Disco

CB Radios

Pong

Stagflation

 

Five Foxy Ladies I’d Marry Now If They Asked

Lynda Carter

Linda Ronstadt

Loni Anderson

Olivia Newton-John

All Of Charlie’s Angels (Except Sabrina)

 

Five Lessons Learned Due To The Energy Crisis

OPEC is an acronym that stands for … something

You meet sexier chicks on odd number gas days

A Buick LeSabre might not have been the best choice for a fuel efficient vehicle

Carter looks dorky in a sweater

If the price of gas ever goes over 75 cents, civilization will collapse

 

Five Reasons I’m Looking Forward To The ‘80s

The sequel to Star Wars

The Knack’s next album will be even better than their first

The US will kick ass at the 1980 Summer Olympics

With the coming of the Space Shuttle, moon cities can’t be far away

Jon Anderson will be the best president we’ve ever had!

 

Fool Me Once …

October 27, 2017

Back in fifth grade, my best friend and I went in halfsies on what we knew beyond a shadow of a doubt was going to be the coolest thing ever in our young lives – a monster! But not just any monster, no – a life-size monster that obeys your every whim and comes when you command!

We ordered it out of the back of a comic book. I think it was $1.50, so we each put seventy-five cents in an envelope and mailed it off. It said wait six to eight weeks but of course we’d come home every day after school and immediately look in the mailbox. We did this for two months. Finally, it arrived. Read the rest of this entry »

October 25 Trivia Rankings

October 26, 2017

What a lovely night for trivia – fall was in the air and the questions were on 5 by 8 index cards ‘cuz that’s how I roll. Thanks to all who came and played. Please do spread the word, Quizlings.

Missed it? The topics of the evening included KFC’s 11 Herbs & Spices, new wave birds and a much better name for fire ants.

Now here are this week’s trivia night rankings…

Hollywood’s Groping For Answers 69
What A Flake! 66
Get Quizzy With It 64
For The Love Of God, No Sports Questions 63
Where The Hell Is Jamie? 62
Nothing’s Better Than Ezra 61
Flake News 60
Ain’t That A Shame RIP Fats Domino 57
Juju On That Bike 52
Carolina Quizards 51
Cold Hands Warm Fart 47
Birthday Celebration 47
Stros Before Hos 46
Mercy Rule 33
Late To The Game Here For Pizza 27 (tie)
Tequila Mockingbird 27 (tie)