December 12 Trivia Rankings

December 13, 2018

A great big ole post-Chankah, pre-Yule howdy to all the Quizlings who came out to compete in this week’s triviafest. We’ll be doing it every Wednesday on into the New Year so don’t miss a single week! Plus, keep bringing those newbies and spreading the word about TJWNT (there’s an extra raffle ticket in it for ya, if ya do).

This week, we left the solar system with Voyager, shared a Nobel with Karl Ferdinand Braun and spoiled Deadpool 2 for you (sorry about that). And then there was this kitschy callback…

Now check out this week’s team rankings. How’d yours do?

Ho³ 62
Cohen To Jail 62
Oxford Comma Forever 58
Despite the News, Don’t Google Hershey Highway 58
Three’s Company 58
Trump Mansplains Democracy 54  (tie)
The Holiday Sledders 54  (tie)
Batson Who? 54
Baby It’s Cold Outside 54
Dirty Deeds Done Trump Cheap 53
The Good Looking Ones 53
The Table By The Trash 51
Jessie’s Pulling A Katy 47
Fans of Gordon Schumway 41
Another Bites The Crust 39

Can’t Weather All Get Along?

December 11, 2018

Due to the weather, I’ve heard the media use the term “black ice” more times than I care to count in the last 48 hours. As such, I can never hear it without recalling this Key & Peele sketch…

Tales From My Screwed-Up Childhood #53

December 7, 2018

When I was a little kid, I got one of those canned cows for my birthday. You know – little can that when you turn it over it moos. Scared the hell out of me. Thought someone had actually stuffed a live cow in there. I think that’s why I’m a vegetarian now.moocan

December 5 Trivia Rankings

December 6, 2018

The holiday season is here and Tomato Jake’s Wednesday Night Trivia wants to spice up your end-of-the-year revels with a Ring-In-The-New-Year Raffle on January 2nd! You get one raffle tickets for playing every Wednesday until 1/02/19 and you’ll get extra tickets for A) bringing newbies, B) posting fliers and C) spreading the word. Seriously, get the word out about TJWNT to family, friends and co-workers and we’ll give you an extra ticket. How do you spread the word? Talk us up on social media, make a bumper sticker for your car or whatever comes to mind. I’ll make the final determination on if and how many tickets are dispensed.

This week, we rioted in Paree, talked up a Shakespearean king and bid a fond adieu to the star of Herbie Rides Again. Plus, there was this little gem from the time when MTV actually aired videos…

Now let’s see how your team measured up this week…

Trump Is [         ]ed 70
The Helen Keller School of Interior Design 67
no[SNOW] 64
Let It Snow! No School On Monday! 63
 “Substantial Assistance” Needed 63
Katy’s Back & There’s Gonna Be Trouble 59
My Hair And Boots 55
Dinnersaurs 54
Send Trivia Answers Plz 54
9 Of Hearts 51
Slice Slice Baby 50
Pizza Smelling Cologne 42
Mozzarella Greg’s 42

FIVE RANDOM FIVE (Holiday Edition)

December 3, 2018


Five People Who’ve Accidentally Received Santa’s Mail

Carlos Santana

Kriss Kross

Rick Santorum

Nic Cage



Five Elf Complaints

Elves in China make toys cheaper

Yukon Cornelius gets a little “handsy” after a few beers

Get a tan and people think I’m an Oompa Loompa!

Frosty won’t friend me on Facebook

Those sellouts at Keebler


Five Reindeer Games

Antler Toss

Elf Tipping

Spitting for distance


Making Rudolph’s life a living hell


Five Rarely-Performed Holiday Tunes

Ding Dong Merrily I’m High

Little Drummer Goy

Grandma Got Rear Ended By A Reindeer

Let it Snizzle! Let it Snizzle! Let it Snizzle!

Chet’s Nuts Roasting On An Open Fire


Five Questions Kids Ask Mall Santas

How do you know I’ve been naughty?

Why do you hate the Jewish kids?

Can you make a present so big even you can’t lift it?

Is Mrs. Claus a MILF?

Why do you smell like desperation and failure?

November 28 Trivia Rankings

November 29, 2018

Thanks to all the Quizlings who came to close out Newbvember! If you weren’t there, you still have a chance to get in on the raffle-iciousness. All throughout December, come out to play and get a raffle ticket for our January 2nd Ring-In-The-New-Year Raffle! You’ll also get extra raffle tickets for bringing newbies, posting fliers, essentially spreading the love. Join us for the holidays!

This week, we visited some big islands, played sport in the Great White North and got lighter than air on Turkey Day. And then there were these kissin’ cousin nuptials…

Now check out this week’s team rankings. See you next week, Quizlings!

Nikki’s Back, Alright! 66
J Is For Genius 65
Do NOT Get THIS Knickers In A Twist 65
Bah! Humpug! 63
Black Friday Is Undefeated Against My Wallet 62
Kel Varnsen 62
I Guess Ice Cream’s Out Of The Question 61
You Have The Right To Romaine Silent 59
Redacted 59
Return Of The Mack 58
Sparky’s Audit: Fake News 58
Anne Of Green Gables Dad 58
Sparky For Speaker of the House 57
Who’s Dead In A Pineapple Under The Sea 54
BILFs & Co. 53

Poppin’ Fresh!

November 27, 2018

I think it was back in 1986. Me and my man Orville Redenbacher were hanging out at Knott’s Berry Farm (Camp Snoopy, if I remember correctly) and these punks tried to cut in line for the Timberline Twister. Turns out it was Bartles & Jaymes. Of course, O-Red (as I called him) was about to bust a gasket, since he and B&J had been nemeses ever since the trio had had a falling out over Betty Grable at a USO dance in ’42. So we set about to rumble, right there and then. Orville pulled out his switchblade and I got my crossbow but the wine cooler boys were packin’ some serious heat and so Orville and I cut our losses and made a beeline for the safety of Fiesta Village, where we ate sno-cones and corn dogs until our tummies hurt.

We kinda lost touch after that, he and I. But to this day I can never enjoy a bag of Orville Redenbacher SmartPop! Butter without smelling his old man aftershave mingled with the aroma of cotton candy and fear sweat.

Today would have been his 100th birthday. I still miss you, old friend.


Generation Gape

November 24, 2018

I think, as you get older, the predisposition to find the younger generations so bloody annoying is so that when they leave you out on that ice floe to die it’ll feel like a damn blessing!

November 21 Trivia Rankings

November 22, 2018

Happy Thanksgiving, Quizlings! For those of you who didn’t make it out to play this week, I hope you can join us for the final week of Newbvember next Wednesday. Bring a trivia newbie and get a raffle ticket for the final drawing – two gift cards will go home with lucky Quizlings.

Here are the rankings for the week.

Pumpkin Pizza Pie 68
Death By Romaine 65
Relatives Schmelatives Thanksgiving Is For Drinking With My Cat 64
Addicted To the Bean 61
Eat, Drink & Cranberry 61
Outside Team Is Back 60
Finnish Floor Rakers 59
Subpoena Me Or We Won’t Answer Any Questions 58
Bachman Turkey Overdrive 57
The Stuffed Turkeys 52
Cooking Turkey? Microwave On High For 25 Minutes 46
BILF & Co. 37
Mmm! I’ll Romaine, Romanine, Spam & Romaine 34

FIVE RANDOM FIVE (Thanksgiving Edition)

November 19, 2018


Five Regrettable Macy’s Parade Balloons

Hitler’s Moustache – 1937

Rob Lowe Dancing with Snow White – 1989

Occupy Wall Street – 2012

Nixon with a metal detector – 1973

Brian Dunkelman – 2002


Five Little Known Thanksgiving Traditions

Gravy dancing

Tryptophantasy football

Turducken chuckin’

Stuffing the second cousin

The pardoning of the yams


Five Pilgrim Complaints

That boat was really cramped.

The New World smells like ass.

Those #@&% posers in Jamestown.

Buckle hats are soooo 1618!

Squanto and Myles Standish should just get a room, already!


Five Pie Injuries

Hot cobbler blisters

Crust in the eye

Sprained meringue

A la mode on the knee

Carpal tunnel rhubarb


Five Broadway Musicals for Turkeys

The Best Little Henhouse In Texas

A Chorus Brine

Joseph and the Technicolor Butterball

Kinky Snoods

Giblets Over Broadway