Wurst Week

November 10, 2018

When I was seven, my birthday party was held at a restaurant called the Wiener King. They roped off an area for us kids and had hot dog shaped balloons and a hot dog shaped cake and banana splits with red bananas to make them look like hot dogs. We got hot dogs for lunch and even played “pin the wiener on the bun.”

Man, that was some seriously messed up Freudian shit.

WienerKing

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November 7 Trivia Rankings

November 8, 2018

Newbvember got off to a great start and some lucky Quizling went home with a Dunkin Donuts gift card. Want your shot at similar prizes? Bring a trivia tyro out to play any Wednesday this month to enter our raffle!

This week, there was talk of koala kin, dark web marketplaces and hackey sack origins. Plus there was this majestic mascot…

Now let’s check out the full team rankings for the week…

Hit The Road, Jeff 67
A Woman’s Place Is In The House And Senate 67
No More Political Ads 🙂 67
We Voted. Do We Get A Brownie? 66
So When Does The Early Voting End? 62
Smurf’s Up In The House 62 (tie)
Ban Christmas Music In November 62 (tie)
Trivia > Hamilton 60
The Primary Unicorns 60
Nameless Team Needs A Jock 59
Beto 2020 59
The Calzones … Betrayed Me? 57
Does Your Vote Count If You Don’t Post the Selfie? 56
Moist 53
Swing & A Miss 48
The Blue Shells 48

Food, Folks and Funeral

November 5, 2018

In a shocker that stunned the QSR world, fast food pitchman Ronald McDonald was found dead in his McDonaldland home late last week. The burger clown died of a massive heart attack brought on by decades of fatty, greasy, caloric food, including Quarter Pounders, McNuggets and Hot Apple Pies – just as the McDonald’s corporation celebrates the 50th anniversary of the Big Mac.

“He appeared to be in peak condition,” said longtime companion Grimace, through tears. “But appearances were obviously deceiving … like that runner, Jim Fixx, who dropped dead while jogging back in the ’80s. Just tragic.”

Doctor Hiram Snavely, renowned medico to such fast food luminaries as Wendy, Chuck E. Cheese and Gilbert Giddyup, noted that such a demise is not uncommon within the ranks of restaurant mascots. “The Colonel? Salmonella. The Chihuahua? Dehydration due to Montezuma’s Revenge. Big Boy? Coronary artery disease at age 17. They are what they eat and all the fruit and walnut salads in the world cannot make up for a lifetime of crap,” he said. “Just watch ‘Supersize Me’ some time.”

But chastisement and blame aside, those on the inside seem completely aware of their plight. Former pizza frontman, The Noid, now serving a lifetime sentence for fraud and embezzlement, noted, “We are nothing but indentured servants, held fast by the need for stardom and the addiction to the poison they feed us. We know our lives are worthless and that we’ll end up in an early grave – or worse, a living Hell.”

Meanwhile, a community mourns and comes together to bury its most revered and respected. The funeral will be held Wednesday during the lunchtime rush at McDonald’s Playplace. Services will be presided over by Reverend McCheese (recently ordained through the Internet). Ronald McDonald will be buried in a special McDLT coffin to keep the hot side hot and the cool side cool.

The Worst Noel

November 3, 2018

A local radio station has started playing Christmas music. Not just peppering their playlist with the occasional yule tune. No. All-Christmas! ALL THE BLOODY TIME! A mere handful of days after Halloween.

They claim that listeners demanded it. Apparently people wanted to hear I’ll Be Home For Christmas and Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer 7 million times between now and the New Year until their damn eyes bled!

Now don’t get all defensive and call me Scrooge or anything, I enjoy the odd seasonal ditty as much as the next dude. The Kinks’ Father Christmas and the Waitresses’ Christmas Wrapping are musts on my turntable when the nog flows freely. But c’mon! Seriously! TWO MONTHS of non-stop Christmas music? Personally, I think even Jesus would snap after hearing Feliz Navidad for the twelfth time in  three days.

October 31 Trivia Rankings

November 1, 2018

What a great crowd! For those who stayed home to keep the trick or treaters at bay, you missed a fine night of All Hallow’s Eve triviawesome. Some great costumes* worn by some fantastic Quizlings and along the way there was candy and a few tricks and treats all our own.

Next week, it’s the beginning of Newbvember™ so bring out someone who’s never played our brand of trivia and you and your guest will get a raffle ticket. What’s the raffle for? Cool stuff! When’s the raffle? Last Wednesday of Newbvember™! (Must be present to win!)

What happened this week? We braved blood, fire and Satan, we faced down a cadre of monsters and things got Erie in New York. Plus there was this Wonder Woman moment…

Now let’s see how the teams stacked this week.

Nosfertrivia 66
Trivia is Better Than Kids In Cute Costumes 65
Spook Her Right in the Costume 56
Par For the Corpse 56
2 Bees Or Not 2 Bees 55
They’re Saying “Boo-Urns, Boo-urns!” 55
Our Teammates Wore Invisibility Cloaks For Halloween 54
Trivia Or Treat 54
CH CH CH AH AH AH 54
Gonna Get Slaughtered 53
Batgirl & Spider-Oldman 53
Jake Says, “Blonds Have Mor e Fun” 48
Dynamite Duo 36

*Costumes included 2 witches, a beekeeper & a bee, a polar bear, David Letterman filming a remote segment in the early 1990s, Batgirl, Spider-Oldman, Ariel & Sebastian from The Little Mermaid, Mama Imelda & Hector & Miguel from Coco, God’s Gift to women and Bluto from Animal House (forgive me if I missed anyone).

FIVE RANDOM FIVE (Halloween Edition)

October 30, 2018

 

Five Ways To Make Trick or Treaters Love You

Let kids grab as much candy as they want

Give out full sized candy bars

Cover house with Halloween decorations & play scary music

Give out eggs and directions to your enemies’ houses

Have hot mom in low-cut costume bend over when handing out candy

 

Five Costume Mash-up Ideas

Jennifer Lawrence of Arabia

Grumpy Cat in the Hat

Iron Manilow

Smokey Bear Grylls

Jay Cutler and Silent Bob Costas

 

Five Unfortunate Halloween Activities

Making mummy costumes out of toilet paper

Refilling the carved pumpkins

Having kids trade in their candy for hugs from a stranger

Bobbing for retainers

Eating Count Chocula alone in the dark and crying

 

Five Bad Halloween Experiences

Rain, couldn’t go trick or treating – 6th grade

Bullies stole my candy – 2nd grade

Egged ex’s house & got caught by her drill sergeant dad – senior year

Sliced finger off carving pumpkin – 9th grade

Neighborhood kids mocked my Hello Kitty costume – last year

 

Five Bad Ideas For Horror Movies

Jason Vorhees opens B&B with life partner Chad

Angsty teen vampires

…and on the door was a bloody hoop!

The zombies are a metaphor for … ah, really, who gives a crap?

Young girl possessed by Santana

 

But I Egress

October 27, 2018

They say that when God closes a door he opens a window. Why not? God needs to air the place out every once in a while. Or perhaps God just likes a little cool night air while he sleeps. Don’t judge! As far as the door thing goes, of course he closed it; God ain’t paying to heat the whole neighborhood, y’know?

October 24 Trivia Rankings

October 25, 2018

A grand night of trivia once again and many thanks to all the Quizlings who made it out to play. Please make plans to attend next week’s Halloween Triviaganza. We’ll have candy and trivia and costume contests and some spooky surprises. Bring your friends and prepare for a few tricks with those treats.

This week, it was all about freaky mollusks, dead presidents and video rentals. Plus in honor of October being Adopt a Shelter Dog Month there was a presentable pooch named Ginger …

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Now check out the team rankings for the week. How’d you do?

Every Pizza Can Be Shared But Why? 67
Vote The $#!&heads Out 66
Our Team Is The Bomb 65
Quizlings Of The Round Table 62
The LEGO Taj Mahal is 5,935 Pieces 61
Sweet Vapor Jane 59
Murphy’s Optimist 58
Meghan Kelly Is The Jazz Singer 58
Did You Hear About The Lightbulb Party? It Was Lit 54
Zombie Apocalypse Caravan 53
Matt’s Quarter Life Crisis 51
Standing Room Only 50
Spooky Trivia Hell Team 49
Glen Won’t Let Us Come In His Back Door Anymore 49
Our Drinking Team Has A Trivia Problem 47
Witches Be Crazy 44
Overeducated & Underperforming 39

Smashing Pumpkin

October 22, 2018

It’s the spooky season so let’s boogie down with everyone’s favorite dancing pumpkinhead! Check out his moves, his jack-o-lantern visage, his form-fitting bodysuit. Halloween is just days away but this groovy squash-noggined gent will have you shakin’ your booty on into the New Year!

They Say It’s Your Birthday!

October 21, 2018

Looking for nice tunes for your celebratory shindig? Cool beans. Just take it from me. Don’t blast Birthday Bitches by the Insane Clown Posse at Nana’s 75th soiree. It doesn’t go over well, trust me – and it’s damn hard to explain to the paramedics why Nana has that inexplicable rictus.