Movie Rebuff

October 22, 2019

It was summer of 1989 and I’m at my friend Eric’s birthday party. I liked Eric; he had a hot mom. And so, for his birthday, his hot mom took about a half dozen of us kids out for pizza and a movie. I wanted to see Ghostbusters II because that first one was so awesome (at the very least, maybe that new Batman thing people were talking about) … only I got overruled and outvoted and we ended up seeing Troop Beverly Hills at the dollar cinema, an experience I only barely survived by rooting for the Red Feathers, the rival scout group.

Seriously! Troop Beverly Hills! How awful is that!

Eric’s hot mom didn’t even sit with us.

17-troopbeverly-01

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FIVE RANDOM FIVE

October 18, 2019

 

Five Signs Your Gardener Hates You

Hedges trimmed into shape of a middle finger

Your koi pond is full of piranha

“Flowers” look suspiciously like poison ivy

Grass hasn’t been mowed since the Reagan administration

All the fertilizer he uses is his own

 

Five Deadly Sandwiches

BLT-IED

Peanut butter and gelignite

Semiautomatic shawarma

Tuna fission bomb

Sloppy OJ

 

Five Ridiculous Stereotypes

Norwegians are the worst forklift operators in the world

Kalahari Bushmen can’t parallel park worth a damn

Buddhist monks think renter’s insurance is a rip off

Virgos will make dentist appointments and cancel them at the last minute

Mimes smell like sweat and peppermint

 

Five TV Jobs I Think I’d Hate

Bus driver (Ralph Kramden, The Honeymooners)

Shoe salesman (Al Bundy, Married… with Children)

Butcher (Sam, The Brady Bunch)

Propane salesman (Hank Hill, King of the Hill)

Real Housewife (any location)

 

Five Really Bad Reasons to Donate a Kidney

Someone triple dog dared you

Thought it was a good idea after about 80 beers

Horoscope said, “Give of yourself today.”

Wanted to impress Jodie Foster

Gall bladder and kidney couldn’t co-exist peacefully – and one had to go!

 

16 October Trivia Rankings

October 17, 2019

Man, I love my Quizlings! You guys never cease to surprise me. Last week, we had a four-way tie for first; this week, we had a four-way tie for third place! Very close game, no matter how you slice it.

Remember: November is Newbvember! Bring a newbie to play our brand of triviawesomness and there could be prizes in store. Also, bonus hint: keep in mind any hall of fame that has nominees or inductees is fair game. (Personal note: the word and and an & mean the same thing.)

This week, we attended a mad tea party, celebrated women in Hollywood and roomed with Paddington. Also, there was this seasonal tune …

Now, check out the team rankings for the week. We’ll do it again in sebben.

My Team Has Deserted Me 67
Wasted Potential 66
The Grouches 65
James and the Pro China Speech 65
Josh Isn’t Here To Edit Down Our Team Name. Sorry! 65
Retiring On Our Trivia Winnings 65
Laura Joins AARP 64
Mao ZeBron 63
A Dot For My Birthday 62
Bird Down 61
Trump’s Tiny Hands 60
Don’t Be A Tough Guy Dont Be A Fool 58
Krav Ma-Gods 57
When It Ukraines It Pours 56
Royal Canin Mother & Baby Cat 50
Gordo’s Crew 48
El Camino 36

Room With Eschew

October 12, 2019

I keep seeing this excessively pretentious commercial for Marriott …

And in between eye rolls so massive I’m in danger of seeing the back of my head I can’t help but every time I see it scream, “IT’S JUST A BLOODY HOTEL!” It’s not VR or nirvana or some sort of rent-by-night paradise, it’s just a stupid hotel. Pricey, yes, but it is a hotel and only a hotel. It will not change your life. It will not inspire you. You won’t fly or hover. You’ll just hope the drunk people in the hallway shut the hell up because it’s after midnight and you have a meeting in the morning and if they do then maybe you can finally get some sleep on this mattress which in spite of its pompous name is still a hotel bed and it’s not your regular bed so you toss and turn – and is it 6am already?! Dammit.

Stupid affected hotel ad. Just tell me where the ice machine is and don’t list the titles of my in-room movie purchases on my bill, okay?

9 October Trivia Rankings

October 10, 2019

Where’d the people go? Seriously, a lot less Quizlings than last week. I have to assume we have a large Jewish contingent that was away atoning. G’mar Hatimah Tovah!

For those that were there – wow, a very close game and the second four-way tie for first place this year (perhaps, ever).

What’d we talk about? Some Down Under geography, some filthy rich US Americans and some burger chain role playing. And there was this seasonal song …

Now, let’s see who did what to whom and when …

Pumpkin Spice Spam … Too Far? 69
And The Award Goes To La La Land 69
U-Kraine’t Always Get What You Want 69
New Car Smell 69
Kurds Miss D-Day Landing Due To Bone Spur Epidemic 67
Be Kind 66
The Mandate Of Heaven 64
Shofar So Good 63
Give Us A Dot, Dammit Please 61
Saturn Just Mooned Jupiter 60
Disco Didn’t Die; It Was Murdered 55
All My Friends Are Late 49
Gordo’s Crew 48
Uncooperative Crusties 46
Trump’s Tiny Hands 46

Bawling 4 Columbidae

October 7, 2019

This is what it sounds like when doves cry? I realize I’m about 35 years too late in my disbelief but what did Prince know about weeping pigeons? He never seemed like much of an ornithologist to me. And what exactly sounds like doves crying? The guy who’s just like his father (2 bold) screaming at the woman who’s perhaps just like his mother (never satisfied)? It now seems as though the Purple One was just throwing random lyrics together – with, of course, the occasional integer to keep his eccentricity alive.

Seriously, I’m gonna have to reassess that chick in the raspberry beret now. Maybe she didn’t really come in through the out door, out door.

Tuber-ler

October 5, 2019

For about four years in the 1980s, my family would only exchange potato-based foods for one another’s birthdays. Potato salad, potato chips, mashed potatoes, potato bread, hash browns, latkes, tater tots, baked potatoes, Russet potatoes, red potatoes, white potatoes, purple potatoes, yellow potatoes, Idaho potatoes, new potatoes. No clothes, no jewelry, no toys, no gift certificates, just potatoes and potato foodstuffs. I never knew why and no one ever questioned this practice. All I remember is that we stopped about the same time Reagan left office. I don’t know if it was a coincidence or not.

Different varieties of potatoes, isolated on white background.

2 October Trivia Rankings

October 3, 2019

Another fantastic week full of triviawesomness. Thanks to all the Quizlings (including some lovely new faces) who came out to play. A few math mistakes on everyone’s part aside, we got it sorted and winners were declared. More fun next week so don’t miss it!

This week, we talked about NFL losers, gaming moola and a children’s book character with no last name but two first names. Plus there was this right which, surprisingly, is not in the Bill of Rights…

Now, let’s check out the team rankings for this week. All have been adjusted for any clerical errors (a-hem). See you next Wednesday as Year 11 continues!

It’s October, Now You Can Have Your Pumpkin Spice 70
Mistakes Will Be Made 69
E-moat-tionally Disturbed 68
Wegmans! 🙂 67
Han Solo Cup 65
Can’t Beat An Irish Backstop 63
Millions Of Peaches, Impeachment For Me 62
Moot Stuffed With Alligators 60
Single, Hot North Carolinian Seeks Fall Weather For A Good Time 60
Trivia Newton John 59
Badass 47
The British Are Coming! The British Are Coming! 57
Anarchy in the Ukraine 57
A Brownie-Winning Idea 57
Disney Plus & Us 56
Titanic Swim Team 53
Quiz Pro Quo 51
Quiz On My Face 47
Sex Adeel 46
Goal: Not Last 45
Indecisive 42
The Young & The Restless 37
Almost Party Of 3 35
Gordo’s Crew 35

 

‘Night, Mare

September 29, 2019

Here’s a tip: Never fall for the old vet school trick that a horse’s birthdate is tattooed on the anus because once you lift that tail – BAM! – you’re kicked in the head and you wake up two days later in the infirmary with no sense of smell and the serial number of some filly’s shoe imprinted backward on your forehead.

Geez. I’ve never been able to watch Mr. Ed since.

In Space No One Can Hear You Mainstream

September 27, 2019

Ah, the wonderful 1970s! The dawn of the movie merchandising era when toymakers weren’t quite sure exactly how to market their big screen tie-ins. Like this one – the sci fi/horor flick Alien! Just something about an egg-layin’, belly-explodin’, mandible-protrudin’ killer monstrosity that screams sell me to kids and show my ads during reruns of “Scooby Doo!”

Hey there, kids! Getcher very own Alien toy! You can’t see the movie because you’re too young and it would scare the ever-loving crap outta ya, but you know it’s cool because there’s a toy! Maybe you can let your Alien toy play with your Last Tango In Paris GI Joe!