Archive for September, 2008

Coffee, Tea or Misogyny?

September 30, 2008

Take a look at some VINTAGE AIRLINE ADS

The skies may have been a little friendlier but they were a lot less PC.

Wurst Week

September 29, 2008

When I was seven, my birthday party was held at the Wiener King. They roped off an area for us kids and had hot dog shaped balloons (which I though most balloons were, when you get right down to it) and a hot dog shaped cake and banana splits with red bananas to make them look like hot dogs. We got hot dogs for lunch and even played “pin the wiener on the bun.”

Man, that was some seriously messed up Freudian sh*t.

Paul Newman (1925 – 2008)

September 28, 2008

Celebrated actor Paul Newman is dead at 83.  If you feel the need to commemorate the man and his work (and you should), just go and rent a bunch of his films and eat fifty eggs. 

I’d suggest The Sting, Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid, Cool Hand Luke, and either Hud or the Hudsucker Proxy

As for the eggs?  I suggest a napkin or a bucket.

Cover Awls

September 26, 2008

You just gotta love this week’s cover of Entertainment Weekly.   (Or not, if you’re humour-deficient.)  It reminds me of the old National Lampoon covers – hilarious, biting satire and instantly recognizable iconic imagery. 

Cheers, Stewart and Colbert and EW.

Suffrage Succotash

September 26, 2008

Okay, hey, look … I don’t get serious here much but tonight is the first of what should be four major candidate debates between potential Prezes and VPs here in the US.  Election Day is a little over a month away.  Sure, I have my personal faves and I think I know for which candidate I’ll cast a ballot, but this isn’t an attempt to get you to vote for my guy (or gal) or to chastise you for voting for your brand of lying weasel.

I’m begging you, one and all, to vote.  But not just that: VOTE INFORMED.  Register to vote, that’s a start.  There’s still time in most places, I believe.  If you were already registered, check to see that you still are.  You don’t want any surprises at the polls come Election Day. 

Once you are registered, do your homework.  Watch the debates.  Visit candidates’ web sites or campaign headquarters.  Participate in town hall meetings.  Ask questions.  Never take anything at face value, especially political ads.  Research the candidates’ records and always take who is saying what is being said into account; everyone has an agenda.

Finally, once you’ve done your homework, made up your mind based on logic and what’s best for you, your family, your community, your state, your country, vote dammit.  Pull a lever, make an X, press a button, whatever it takes to make your voice heard.  Don’t make excuses.  Take Election Day off (or a half day) if you think you’ll need it.  Vote early or by absentee ballot if it’s allowable were you live.  Do not get caught out at your precinct’s polling site by long lines – plan ahead.  And tell your friends and family to do the same.

If I stoop to cliché and claim that this is the most important election of our generation, forgive me.  But it’s true.  Look at the @#$%ing headlines. 

So, please, vote, vote informed, vote for all those idiots who won’t and vote for all those who can’t.  You have a voice.  Use it.

List A Go Go

September 26, 2008

Highbrow, lowbrow, it’s all good.  Let’s rock out to a few web sites with lists as we close out a week where our financial future looks as bright as the inside of Jessica Simpson’s head.

Since the best show on TV has an infinite capacity to marvel and amaze, check out the TOP 50 OMGWTF LOST MOMENTS.  I’m all OMG the fact that Vincent is a chick did not crack the Top 50.

Another great show had the ability not so much to amaze but to amuse.  Enoy the TOP FICTIONAL SEINFELD MOVIES. Consider it a sort of erotic journey from Chunnel to Sack Lunch.

Let’s delve into the world of great fiction with the 50 GREATEST VILLAINS IN LITERATURE.  My list begins with Dr. Doom and ends with Lex Luthor, but these guys are thinking more along the lines of stuff you check out of the library or get on those big discount tables at Barnes & Noble.

And, finally, what are the ten worst songs?  How about the 10 WORST SONGS THAT HIT #1?  (And somewhere Lou Bega breathes a sigh of relief that Mambo No. 5 only reached #3 on the Hot 100.)

Oh!  Bonus non-list sites: a twelve-year-old burger and a puking gorilla!

Sparky MacMillan is about to crater.

It’s Not News: It’s Blatantly Obvious

September 24, 2008

People Magazine: Clay Aiken says, “I’m gay!”

Cat Fancy: Garfield says, “I’m fat!”

Scientific American: Stephen Hawking says, “I’m smart!”

WIRED: Bill Gates says, “I’m rich!”

TV Guide: House’s Hugh Laurie says, “I’m British!”

Astronomy: Carl Sagan says, “I’m dead.”

Weekly World News: Batboy says, “I’m fake!”

Bowhunter: Ted Nugent says, “I’m a whackjob!”

Sports Illustrated: Michael Vick says, “I’m in jail!”

Maxim: Jessica Simpson says, “I’m measuring my worth via my sexuality.”

Entertainment Weekly: Matthew McConaughey says, “I’m high!”

Martha Stewart Living: Martha Stewart says, “I’m laughing all the way to the bank.”

Starlog: William Shatner says, “I’m a hack with a bad toupee!”

Billboard: Britney Spears says, “I’m a horrible role model for my kids!”

O Magazine: Dr. Phil says, “I’m a quack and a shill for the almighty Oprah!”

Rolling Stone: Keith Richards says, “I’m a living mummy.”

Highlights for Children: Waldo says, “I’m hiding in plain sight.”

Beyond Death Monthly: Richard Nixon says, “I was a crook!”

So, other than the probability that a lot of folks got their journalism degrees via mail, probably through one of those Sally Struthers courses advertised on TV, I just think it must be said that once you plaster anything so bleedin’ obvious on the front of your periodical that even heretofore undiscovered indigenous tribes in South America have known it for years then you loose the right to call yourself NEWS!

Vote, Vote On

September 24, 2008

This being the season of politics and all, it seemed only right that we look back on the ghosts of campaigns past.  Were politicians always such dicks as to run ads so negative they’d make a sadist blush?  Did people really like Ike?

For these answers and more, check out these OLD CAMPAIGN ADS some guy at The Atlantic.com picked out.  And I can’t be certain – but I think that’s me in the glasses sitting behind Gerald Ford.

It’s Not Easy

September 23, 2008

For those of you who aren’t keeping up with the latest in four-color fandom, Marvel Comics is in the midst of a massive mini-series crossover called Secret Invasion, wherein longtime shapeshifting baddies, the Skrulls, have infiltrated every aspect of superdom in the Marvel Universe and executed a superb takeover of the planet Earth.

Which brings me to THIS VIDEO.  It’s a commercial spot for Marvel and Secret Invasion that, until the images of green-skinned alien, might easily be mistaken for a political ad or quasi-religious PSA.  It’s weird, off-putting and more than a little eerie.  And unless you know about the comic series beforehand, you’re probably no less enlightened by the time the viral site address appears.

Would anyone not in on the gag dare see what this freakiness is all about?  Quite possibly.  I mean, that’s how cults get new members, isn’t it?

Breaking News

September 22, 2008

Often I watch awards shows and see people rewarded for work they did previously or for reasons other than a superior performance.  So it was with unexpected glee and a slight misty eye that I saw Bryan Cranston receive an Emmy last night for his outstanding performance in Breaking Bad

Well, all I can saw on that is, “Fantastic! About bloody time!”

Cranston has turned in amazing work as a harried dad on Malcolm in the Middle and now as a chemistry teacher turned drug dealer in AMC’s freshman drama series.  I kept hoping he’d get an Emmy to recognize his efforts but feared he would forevermore be overshadowed by flashier roles and better-known actors.  Thank goodness I was wrong.

If I can at all recommend this show, please allow me to do so.  It’s dark, to be sure, but brilliantly laid out as the desperate story of a man in way over his head.  Season one of Breaking Bad is currently encoring on AMC after Mad Men.  If Cranston’s acceptance speech is to be taken as a sign, season two is now in production, which is great.  (You can also view episodes on iTunes.)

Hell, give me more Bryan Cranston in Breaking Bad and I can almost forgive AMC for airing commercials in their films and for broadcasting the type of sub par cinematic experience that would make even UHF stations snicker (no matter how you slice it, Can’t Stop the Music is hardly an American Movie Classic).


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