What’s on my mind? What have I been watching? What have I been doing? What have I been talking about? The Hot Ten will bring you up to speed.
FAMILY CIRCUS MOM DIES. Thelma Keane, wife of Bil Keane and inspiration for the Mommy character in Family Circus, died Friday of Alzheimer’s disease. Who hopes this doesn’t affect the daily strip? Not me!
SPACECRAFT LANDS AT MARTIAN NORTH POLE. Martian Santa Claus said to be placing NASA on his “naughty” list.
INDIANA JONES MOVIE UPSETS COMMUNISTS. Damn right! At $9.50 a ticket, I would think any political affiliation would be pissed off.
LIBERTARIANS PICKS BARR AS PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE. Methinks the nomination process went a little something like this: “Everybody who’s willing to be associated with the Libertarian Party gather round. Okay … one potato … two potato … “
DAVID COOK WINS AMERICAN IDOL. Ah … um … nope, can’t pretend to care. I have a life.
BIG OIL DEFENDS RECORD PROFITS BEFORE SENATE. They arrived by night, spread their lies, sacrificed a few maidens and then vanished in a puff of hellfire and brimstone, leaving the senators confused, yet in their thrall.
JESSICA LANGE BASHES IRAQ WAR IN GRADUATION SPEECH. Meanwhile, Tanya Roberts chastises Myanmar’s slow acceptance of cyclone aid, Adrienne Barbeau harangues Hugo Chavez’s human rights record, Cathy Lee Crosby protests the Darfur massacre and, across the nation, scads of past-their-prime C-list hotties beg for another 15 minutes.
LAST KNOWN WWI VETERAN HONORED. If they really wanted to honor him they’d stay the hell off his lawn!!
PILOTS RUN OUT OF FUEL, PRAY, THEN LAND NEAR JESUS SIGN. Faithful around the world cry, “Miracle!” Of course, logically, this means that all the pilots who have ever died in plane crashes were godless heathens who didn’t pray hard enough and deserved the fiery embrace of Lucifer’s realm.
WARREN BUFFETT SEES “LONG, DEEP” U.S. RECESSION. He went on to express concerns that it would hit “harder, faster” than anticipated and “penetrate” well into American’s wallets. Not to worry though – turns out he was just having phone sex with Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke.
Sparky MacMillan – he’s got a mind like a sewer and heart like a fridge.
